Thread: deal with in laws
i am married for 6 yrs now. it was an arranged marriage. i luv my husband a lot. so does he. my in laws ver very good in the beginning. but their immediate relatives started creating problems. they dont want me to talk when i am with them, still publicly insult me. start thrwing big tantrums (with alcohol in them of course) for my husband not being a good nephew and definitely blaming me for it. my in laws will keep quiet and go back like nothing happened and they enjoy it bcoz it is to thier advantage. my husband was very hurt byt heir non supportive attitude.
we stayed like this for around four yrs. my husband was a very understanding son, cousin, nephew. did evryhting for evryone and let evryone get away with evrything possible. now he is so tired he doesnt want to deal with anyone so has kind of cut off his ties with evryone. but that too has fallen on my name. i have spoken to him and even fought trying to get him to go back. his parents have easily forgiven evryone and are still in touch with all the relatives, though none of them r and they have stopped their children from keeping in touch. my hus doesnt care but evryhting is on my head. my in laws call me and tell me he wasnt like this before marriage. he says he has no one to stand for him, so i dont want to leave him alone on this.
the relatives problem began day of marriage and stand today bcoz he ddint like any girl they found for him and he liked me. is it my fault. I HAVE BOURNE AN LOT OF MENTAL TORTURE. as though that was not even they even forced me to fly down during a misscarriage (before my dnc) for my bro in laws' wedding by emotionally blackmailing me (only two children, i am very sad, etc.).they dint once tell me stay back and rest. which hurt me. after comng back i bled clots for two months . had to take an injection to get the foetus out and they once didnt offer to come and stay and help even after my husband told them we ver expecting them.
now after one yr i am pregnant again, they r gonna come here. they get too comparing (my brother in law and wife r pregnant too)and dont think about how u feel (they want a boy grandchild, etc). want to talk about what we r doing wrong in our relationship but the minute i start talking MY FIL GETS UP AND LEAVES AND WHEN HE IS ON THE PHONE JUST CHANGES THE TOPIC. this hurts me like hell like he doesnt want to listen to anything. my bro in law on the other hand manupulates them so much but my husband is frank and sincere witht hem. they dont see this. so we r just supposed to obey. my husband doesnt know what to do bcoz any thing from his side my mil starts crying which i know hurts him (though he tells me he doesnt care.) then he keeps quiet.
i know what to do but then that could get harsh. please advice.
what I have understood from your post is that you and your husband have given it your best and are continuing your sincere efforts to maintain harmony in the family.. Now is is time for you to let go and hope your in-laws will take the next step... In our society relatives and other outside factors also tend to have a strong influence. Now that you are a nuclear family and you are in the family way I would suggest you just take care of yourself and the baby and let not anyone other than your husband of course concern you. This problem with your in-laws might be never ending saga for all you know.. Since you already had a mis carriage its important that you focus on your health and mental peace.. So let them be and hope that time will set things right between you. Be glad of your husbands support and don't get worked up if your in-laws provoke you and throw words at them because that is just what they expect and want to happen..
best of luck..