Thread: when divorce needed but avoided (by wife) and delayed (by Indian law)
I really donít have anything against my wife, still have respect for her. In the beginning (1994) Ė I was much immature (perhaps in emotion and man woman relation till date) and due to some ego from my side, the distance made between us. And it was keep on increasing in several way in many forms. I tried many times to compromise and adjust- but I couldnít. Several women came in my life (no one through professional life). Now I am realizing, before itís further late for both of us, it has to be done. We are sleeping in different rooms last 13 months, didnít intercourse last 18 months (not more than 6 in last 3 years). But I cant live in this manner anymore.I am regularly taking drugs for slpng, pressure and cholesterol and antidepression as prescribed by physician.Before it affects my job performance, I want to end it. I can take everything else, but not a bad performance of myself at workplace.
1st I want to change my marital status.I canít act anymore everyday in home, and want to be fair at least this time to my wife. I know lots of odds will come from my mother and relatives. I have to shift for a separate residence (like I did in July 2008), might face financial crunch also. But still I have to do this , my mother is also suffering last few months, guessing my mental condition, and unfortunately in spite of my trying - relation between wife and mother isnít healthy yet. My wife stopped using Sindoor. I am 40 now, so still have some courage left. But after this it wont be possible. Even in my professional life, people wont take it easily. Still I want to take my own black spots, my failure- to the public, at least to the people who matters; cant play hide and seek game anymore. I stopped myself several times; thinking about my son, but truly speaking he almost doesnít have any emotional relation with me. Its all my fault, as he saw, his mother is away from me- he also started maintaining a distance. So, please donít say me to rethink this time. The issue was already pushed for 10years- but nothing changed. I shall fulfill all their (wife and son) other need like now, but not by staying together anymore. I know healthy parent relationship is essential for kids to grow. But the way I am living is not a healthy way, staying apart is a far better option surely.
Feelings of two human beings are involved in a coupleís married life. This could not be patched up by enforcement of law by courts. It is up to the individuals to mend themselves. A horse can be taken to water but it is the horse that should drink it. However, the law should not deny divorce if the marriage has really broken down. By forcing unity with a hammer in the hand, the law does not serve the sanctity attached to the institution of marriage by religions.
If the relationship of husband and wife wrecks beyond repair, what is wrong in recognizing that fact and allow them to live separately. How can one compel a wife or a husband to continue to live with spouse if they have fallen apart. If so compelled they would have to lead miserable life.
My wife knows all of these but still not ready to divorce me- "just for my son"! How to tackle her?
It seems that your wife is not working. You need to communicate to her & try to find out what she want from you. Might possible that due to financial insecurity she wont let u go. ALso you have son, so it is ur obligation to taking care of him.
Make sure her that u will given enough financial help after divorse to take care of her & your son.
you have already made up your mind.I see a pain in your post. i do not know what made you to fell in this.
1: Live separately. if you do not want to remarry. -- i recommend this
i think she does not want to give you divorce at this age and also for kid and society and most importantly she is financially depended. Its really tough for divorced women, you know it.
2: re-marriage: make her understand that you want to marry another lady and will make sure that you will give everything for them financially. you have said your son is not close to you. he is almost 15 yrs why dont you make him understand your situation may be he can talk to her?
Do not take any hasty decision every problem will have a solution.
I agree with Kavya, every problem has a solution. Only you have to know to tackle it smoothly. Until and unless you sit back with your wife and your son, you will not find a solution. Explain the entire situation to an experienced lawyer and he might be little costly to give a precised solution.
I am giving a suggestion because in future you should not get into a situation that your getting married without giving divorce to you first wife.
Think wise and take the best decision!