Thread: Your funny quotes.
I was a big fan of the Simpson's, can you believe how long the show has been around? Everyone has their favorite characters, but mine is definately Homer. This guy says the funniest (and often completely true) things. Here is a list of the all time best Homer Simpson quotes ever.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, itís not whether you win or lose: itís how drunk you get.
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, youíd step over your own mother just to get one! But you canít stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Whatís the point of going out? Weíre just going to wind up back here anyway.
Iím normally not a praying man, but if youíre up there, please save me, Superman.
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird," and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skinÖ but what good does that do me?
I hope I didnít brain my damage.
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. Itís what separates us from the animalsÖ except the weasel.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Old people donít need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything thatís even remotely true!
How could you?! Havenít you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didnít hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
You donít like your job, you donít strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thatís the American way.
Oh, Iím in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I donít have to listen to myself. Iím drunk.
Well, that does it for me. If you've got anymore that I missed - or you have your own favorites, add them below in the comments. All the cool kids are doin' it.