Thread: How to handle extra marital relationship?
My marriage was arranged.Since then I have been fighting with my emotions for a couple of years.I got married to a very nice man 10 years older to me. He is a gem of a person but I feel empty and have fallen in love, i think, with another guys who is younger then me.I want to work on my marriage as i have kids but same time should i live like this all my life?
have u seen the movie murder? urs is the same story. watch the movie and u'll find answer in movie dialogues.
I think marriage is a very precious institution and more so you have children to look upon too. First you should try to work on some of things yourself, rather then go with the flow. Try to figure out if whatever feelings you have for the younger one, are not just infatution? Even if it is not, try to focus your thoughts on some other stuff and try to make yourself busy.
Try and think, if you walk out of ure marriage, would you stay happy? Would ure children be happy? Would they accept this new man in your life. Once you start answering all these questions, you will find your solution!
at least think about your kids if not ur husband
Don't get more confused. The answer is very simple. Either you are thinking LIFE as from upper part of the navel or the lower part of it.Think and judge....(for that you need the upper).
Best wishes !!
dont think that its only you who face this problem. arranged marriage is unnatural. one should marry only when one cannot live without the loved one. for a happy marriage, there should be both passion and respect for the partner .
Now the reality. Does the younger man in the office loves you? Are you sure that he will respect you if you leave your husband? will he think that you cannot be trusted?
Unfortunately there are so much bias against people like you in india that you have very little chance of living with him.
you may make love with him. try not to destroy your family. keep it a secret.
If you want to give your everyting to your children then change the job. if you go after your love then you will not have time for your children.
if you cannot give time to your children they will miss you. your children need your patience, sacrifice, love and care. if you dont fulfill your responsibility towards your children their life is doomed. They will lead a terrible life.
you should have taken control of your life before your marriage. having children is a huge responsibility. if you cannot love them why give birth to them and destroy their life.
so i think that the best thing that you can do is to sacrifice your love, for your children.
they are helpless, they need you, noone can take your place.
your whole life will be a mess if you ignore your children. you have no other choice except your childrens. if you had no children then you could have done as you wanted. but now some young lives depend on you for guidance and love.
The best of my knowledge says marriahe is a compromise between to souls u promise at the time of marriage that you will be noble for your spouse so dear past is past you have still long years to set right ur self be with ur spouse and take care of ur children
i have gone through all the postings including yours.
i will not give you any suzzations but giving some tips which may guide you properly.
1)your life is your's only.you have no right to deprive this soul,going against it's will.
2)your children requires your love and support-you can manage it in various ways.
3)if you donot love your spouse and still then living with him, then you deprive two souls at a time,one is your's-to whom,you deprive in the name of social duty & another is his-who deemands trust from you.trust does not mean 'only the physical'
but 'mental' also.
4)you can also ask him, what to do? and accordingly you can move, then there will be no contious biting from your part, even he can acccept him also,might be with not a very happy feelings
but with a very wise and practical attitude.
5)see the bengali film 'ami se o sakha' and discuss with them.
keep us aware about yr experiment through this site.
best of luck. may god bless all of you.thanks-akg
Hi ! Remember, you have only 1 life to lead and do it well. at times, its fun to walk backwards like a penguin and see where you have reached. after all not always will you lose your way. its excitement. your situation is is not new to the
society.I suggest, your "love" for another should be readjusted as "affection" and limit it to just emotions and not physical relationship. Overtime, let me assure you, fatique sets in and you will enjoy stability of normal life to anything in the world including this pasing phase. your husband, children and interests in them are paramount to you. you will and shall love them. anything incl affections,empathy,sympathy,companionship,friendship etc are only next to love and are mere passing phases in one's life. take care. be practical.
are you sure it's "Love" that you feel for the younger one?? and then you have to think about your children.. if you feel empty, take up some activities that you like.. maybe dancing or crochet or singing or sports...
The ? here is do you love your kids more or this younger man more. I personally dont believe in
arranged marriages... but one learns to love doesnt her/she.
I mean all along you stayed put with your husband. The only reason you feel this way is probably because
the tawt of a younger man is exciting & your husband doesnt seem so.
But maybe your husband is exciting and wonderful & has so much love to give you but you just dont see it
at the moment or never could see it cos u beleived in the fact that he was 10 years older.
Try maybe with your husband and im sure will even be suprised yourself.
I hope that you made the right decision as my reply to you is 6 months late.
Pls dont be offended by my message.
I do not know the age of the 'confused' but being a biologist,I have found that some women stray in their late 30s as some men stray in their early or mid 20s.Hormonal balance play a great role in this.Nature is a clever entity.Nature wants every being to reproduce and the 'urge' that sets in is similar to a rush to buy before the shop closes.Women, when they are nearer to menopause nature wants them to utilise the last phase of oppurtunity of conceiving.This makes them hormonally receptive.
Well my observations may not give the ultimate solution but one can wisely think how body can lead us to social entanglements which can turn out to be burden and reason for remorse when this stage passes by.We may even feel contempt for our own actions of the past in later life.Still,I do not wish to be a moral teacher as ur husband also may have a role in ur current emotional trauma.Marriage is a bond for mutual fulfillment to ensure healthy upbringing of a new generation.think well before u leap further pal.
It is an interesting subject. An extra marital relationship is short, temporary and more often than not has physical & sexual tone and color driven by physical attraction in majority of the cases rather than by emotional requirements between two individuals who have common and consensual needs at that hour. There's nothing
wrong or write about it. In big cities, it is important to keep your sanity intact. A selfless friendship/relationshp is what one may aspire and look for but difficult to achieve. I think when two people get into a short term relationship they need to be mature enough to recognise why they are getting into it in the first place. Are they doing it for emotional bonding or physcial pleasure or both. While marriage as an institution is not
replaceable becoz it is based on trust, faith, patience and committment a short term relationship is more a transient phenomena which may convert to a longer term or may collapse if two people dont
click in all respects.
In big cities one may not only be lonely but alone also and therefore it may be a realisation to connect to people. With the changing socio-cultural dynamics and majority of population very young, i feel it is more to do with
experimentation and experience. Adventure is also associated with excitement that is brought by an extramarital affair. Finally, it depends upon two people how beautifully they could connect with their need at that point in time when they do so.
To be judgemental about it and consider it wrong or right is not the issue. The core issue is that it is mutual between two individuals who want to connect and experiment and experience whether they can relate to it or not. In the first instance if marriage was successful an individual may not want to venture out of it. The mere fact he/she is looking out means that something is not correct in their life. The Chemistry is not there between the two marriage partners. It can happen to any one and at any age. Through Physical attraction and requirement of physical needs one may be looking for an emotional bonding.
Another aspect is that it may just happen accidentally and in a momentary weakness. To say that it is wrong or right is not for a third person, it is for the person himself to decide. If he/she has been a victim of momentary weakness, then one should just forget any guilt feeling and remember what joy and bliss it has brought to you. Life is always about looking forwards and learning from mistakes. :) =)
I am a married man i had many affairs in my life before getting married.After getting married my all past affairs were stopped.All my girlfriends turned into good friend of mine,they still talk to me.But something strange happened in my life after marriage.A girl fall in love with me who was good friend of my wife.She was very possesive about me .We had a affair for almost one year.Finally i requested her to get married in her cast.She got married.I thought she will forget me and won't disturbe me anymore.Oneday she called me and told me that you are really special.She can not forgett me and want a baby from me.Somehow i convinced her that this is wrong.
I am average in all my looks but very successfull in my carrier .I thought this and left that topic.
This was over i thought now no more affairs.But no again there was a new affair in my life and this time the lady fall in love with me was a schoolmate of my wife.Who mate her suddenly by a coincidence.In a first look only she was impressed by me.I helped her whenever she wanted my help.After six months this relationship landed into the samething as earlier .We had a healthy short term affair.This topic was closed .
Now one new thing was waiting for me.I landed up again in one new affair ,this lady is married .We know each other for last three years. I was not at all knowing that she is so crazy about me untill i went to her house oneday afternoon to teach her computers.We had ... the same day.Since that day she calls me whenever husband is not at home.
I had never cheated any girl in my life all my friends they still call me and tell me that the moments spent with me are the golden moments of there life .They have no complaints about me.
I can not imagine even after knowing i am married i have a kid they know my wife .How could they fall in love with me.... For me all of them are special.... But what so special in me that at the age of 29 i have completed 11 complete affairs , and one still on........
Ure a damn scumbag u pathetic tart.. Ure so damn conceited & proud to say that women are falling in love with you
& that you even sleep with them... Shame on you.. Ure a disgrace to the word husband.
So fcuken proud u r u dirty little piece of crap... By now i am sure that you must have contracted some STD & hope & pray
you didnt give it to your innocent wife.
I wish i could see you for five minutes to beat the crap out of you & drag you by the testicles.
Oh Boy, your pistol will lead you to nowhere but hell coz you're less better than a desperate hydriller...whoaaaah hahahihi
I suggest you to take the other way...damn pity on you ..sob sob
casey and Jammazo
Hey Casey and Jammazo, chill..... I understand your feeling, but keep your energies reserved for someone worthwhile.
As for Mr. Lanos, don't you have better things to do in life. I wish your wife finds out what you are doing and leaves you. Aren't you ashamed of yourself, boasting of your extra marital exploits. It is nothing to be proud of. Just imagine how would you feel if your wife does the same. Infact, you are not only cheating your wife, but also giving friendship a bad name.
Though you have gone too far, it is better that you correct yourself right now. Don't think that your wife will never come to know of this. You are putting your whole marital life at risk, just for the sake of carnal pleasures. Sooner or later, you will regret what you have done. But, by that time, it would be TOO LATE!
Im trying to... its just frustrating to read what this dude has sed... its like he finks its all cool to sleep around....
And i dont think he is regretting or will regret anything cos for 11 years now he sleeping around...
Hey Casey, Latika, NYGUY don't you think he is such a loser trying to fantasize himself as a playboy or what??!!
He don't seem to have doubts, questions or anything but flattering himself as if he is the chosen-one to swing balls.
Nah nah nah...Man, you are half century behind ...getcha laif now!