Thread: How to handle in Laws
My husband and I had a lot of misunderstandings and odd moments when my in-laws were here to visit us. We are just 1.5 years into marriage. And I think cause of just in-laws, we are not getting along too well. Issue are too many to put forward however one among them is that I have a strong feeling that I am not being accepted by his family. Which to hubby appears is my psychological problem and not an issue with his family. I am sure not their preferred choice. And when they were here, my MIL behavior was a lot possessive towards my hubby (like taking good care of him and ignoring me; saying no to whatever i say; denying things from my hands etc.) and she took the entire control of the household asking me to stay away. Well, now that they are gone, it has left a sharp Ėve impression on me and I literally lost all my confidence. I donít talk ill or have any expectations from them now. But my hubby is forcing me to change my mind set and wants me to try and win their heart by doing good things for them. Well i want to stay neutral- go with the flow and not take an extra step cause i don't think it would resolve any issues if there are any. It's just their mind set cause they wanted a DIL who can touch their feet whenever i met them, no matter how many times a day and incase i miss it by mistake, it's a disrespect to them :(.
He wants me to obey whatever they say, try to ask their opinion before every action, and let them have control if they intend (he feels that this way we give respect and earn their blessing). I cannot be a puppet but seeing all this made me go into huge depression last week. It was difficult to utter even a single word. I didnít know where the problem was and how to explain my thoughts to him. My hubby feels that I am emotionally torturing him and and warn me of calling cops. Sometimes I feel that running back to India is a solution but I donít know what I should do. Please help.
My hubby is a very reasonable person however when it comes to his parents, he becomes a lot defensive. I love him dearly but really donít have a clue how to deal and make him understand.
First of all, Both of you will have to make sure that both of you are not the different entities. In laws of both of you are now, the member of the same family and it became so because of both of you. Try to lessen the distance between the both of you and your in laws. Both of you should sit together and work out the issue. A good understanding is must in between you and your husband.
Hey There ! Dont be depressed ! Even I got married two years back and really understand where the shoe is pinching you . Even I have to deal with possesive mother in law / father in law .
1) Just remember not to entertain any thing which may ruin your relation with your husband . TRY not complain about his parents to him . C mon Yaar ! Will you like anyone saying anything about your family .Stick by it in all possible ways and see you will win your husband confidence who really loves you !
2)When they tell you to touch their feet ! touch it dear with all your heart . Advantages! 1) Blessings 2) Exercise ! isnt it ?
3) Praise your mother inlaw in front of your husband ! This is help you create a positive image in your mind about her! Dont worry ! dont pity urself . You will be benefited and gifted with peace with yourself .
4) Speak less ! but see to it you speak sweetly and continue to help them with all heart .
I am telling you on basis of my experience cox my marriage was on verge on breaking. I faced the similar situation and when it came to divorce and saw my in laws not supporting to bring in peace in their sons 's life , i came to my senses and learned to rule my domain with loving , tender and yet confident heart. You know why ??? I love my husband dearly and cant afford to lose this wonderful man . MY BATTLE CONTINUES , BUT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE NOT THE SAME TODAY ! Many a times when my husband ask me " why are your crying ? I reply" Nothing Dear ! not your fault . I got hurt at hand or had a bad day with my collegues, fought in train etc etc and he hugs .. and I feel Healed ... when i am actually taunted by my in laws for no reason .
5) Time takes care of everything
These are the two main things that I wanted to suggest you.
1. Understand the common problems seat alone and understand the common problems that end up in a fight and avoid the situation.
2. Distance yourself physically during the stressful situation.