+Post New Topic + Post Reply
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Married nearly 4 mnth back, on examining all aspect, I feel, I should go for divorce

  1. #1

    Unhappy Married nearly 4 mnth back, on examining all aspect, I feel, I should go for divorce

    I am an engineer by profession. We have a small family 4 my parents and younger sister. I got married nearly 6 months back. It was an arrange marriage with my parents and my full consent.

    I am leaving in delhi while my family, including is leaving in Ambala. My younger sister is about to merry in 1-2 year, my father is in army and posted in Chandigarh usually came home in 1-2 week. Now only my sister, mother and wife stays at home. I usually, travel to home nearly each weekend.

    As of now I have done each and every thing she asked me for her happiness. It turns out to be a drastic fault of my life. Now she is taking it granted and behaving arrogantly to my family. Even, she’s forcing me and my parents to shift with me at delhi. However, my parents had already suggested me to shift delhi after 3-4 moths of marriage. But her continual presser (even from my in-laws) making it troubled for me and my parents.

    Moreover, she even has changed her behavior against my parents so that they get forced to shift her with me. She has made my life a hell. Many times, I have discussed this with her but for a while she changes her behavior but later it goes away on same path.
    Now, I am thinking a girl who can show such drastic behavior in this short span of time would not be a good life partner for me.

    Now a days she is at my in-law home since past 1.5 month, I asked him to change her behavior and she has to stay with my parents, even I am not denying option of shifting with me but at least not now.
    But I don’t see any positive result. Even, we fear from them of imposing dowry and harassment charges on us.

    It’s not working out in anyway, please suggest me what proactive legal action can we take.



  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Chennai/Bangalore
    Posts
    2,819

    edseru

    Hi Avinash,

    Though I could get you have trouble with your wife, I dont see a strong reason for divorce. Even if you file for a divorce, the court would advise you to go in for counsellings sessions and its a long process.

    Since you said that your wife and inlwas might file a case for dowry harrassment, I suggest an option to safeguard yourself. Talk to your wife and inlaws over mobile phone and genuinely try to make them understand your point of view. At any point of time during your talk do not loose your cool and abuse them. Tell them that you deeply love your wife and you want to live with her. Tell your inlwas / wife that you dont need anything but a happy married life. Record these conversations and keep it as a proof. Nowadays you get mobile phones with which you can record the conversations. Keep it as proof incase they file a false case against you.

    Secondly, you dont file a case first, because then you might be asked to give alimony to your wife for a lifetime. Wait and watch how it goes and then take the next step.

    Best Wishes,

    Sanjay


    [QUOTE=aavinash.sinha@gmail.com;205089]I am an engineer by profession. We have a small family 4 my parents and younger sister. I got married nearly 6 months back. It was an arrange marriage with my parents and my full consent.

    I am leaving in delhi while my family, including is leaving in Ambala. My younger sister is about to merry in 1-2 year, my father is in army and posted in Chandigarh usually came home in 1-2 week. Now only my sister, mother and wife stays at home. I usually, travel to home nearly each weekend.

    As of now I have done each and every thing she asked me for her happiness. It turns out to be a drastic fault of my life. Now she is taking it granted and behaving arrogantly to my family. Even, she’s forcing me and my parents to shift with me at delhi. However, my parents had already suggested me to shift delhi after 3-4 moths of marriage. But her continual presser (even from my in-laws) making it troubled for me and my parents.

    Moreover, she even has changed her behavior against my parents so that they get forced to shift her with me. She has made my life a hell. Many times, I have discussed this with her but for a while she changes her behavior but later it goes away on same path.
    Now, I am thinking a girl who can show such drastic behavior in this short span of time would not be a good life partner for me.

    Now a days she is at my in-law home since past 1.5 month, I asked him to change her behavior and she has to stay with my parents, even I am not denying option of shifting with me but at least not now.
    But I don’t see any positive result. Even, we fear from them of imposing dowry and harassment charges on us.

    It’s not working out in anyway, please suggest me what proactive legal action can we take.[/QUOTE]

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Bangalore
    Posts
    4,405

    Hi Aavinash,

    There is something I would like to share with u after which I will tell u what I think on this matter.

    In an Induction program which I attended 3 months back, the speaker asked people to try to understand the problem of another human being with the eyes and heart of that other person actaully suffering. But then he said 90% of people always say that but never do that. How??
    To explain it he told us that Thr is a quote "To understand another person's problem You have to Step into that another person's shoes." People generally use this quote as often they want, But they forget that "To Step into another person's shoes U have to first put ur legs outside ur shoes.. and then only U can put ur legs into another person's shoes.."

    The exact point in this is Each n every person has a point of view to look at this world. So while looking into another person's problem they forget to put thr views outside thr mind and then see that problem as the other person sees it.

    The same thing is what U are doing just now to ur Wife. U are trying to see her as U want, but not seeing her as she ever dreamt of.
    Try to keep ur Point of view on hold for sometime and just see her with the Eyes of a Newly Wed Girl. The dreams she had before marrying U and the dreams she had before leaving ur home and going back to her parents.

    The accusations which U are putting on her are not at all that much big. As far as I got from ur post itself, she never asked U to leave ur parents alone or break ur family into 2. She only asked to live with U. As ur father is already not thr, and she is with Ur Mother and Sister, No one here would find a problem that Ur Mother, Sister, along with ur wife come and stay in Delhi. As per ur description, Ur Mother and Sister are not working, So I dn't find it a difficulty that why they can't shift with U to Delhi.

    One significant thing is When two people get married, they marry to fulfill each other's gaps of life. Ya, Families also meet, get to know each other and get into a never ending relationship with each other. But in a marriage what the most important thing is the happiness, compatibility and bonding of the Husband and wife with each other. Till now have U ever thougth of that. U gave her money to run the household, U might have given her expensive gifts too.. But are U able to give her the true companionship of a responsible Husband till now.. I don't think so.. Bcoz as U only told, even if U people are married(only for the namesake), But U are living a Long Distance Relationship.

    Second thing which I got from ur post is, Earlier U were ready to shift them with U but now somehow U r delaying only bcoz they are asking U again n again. U are behaving like this only bcoz ur wife and her parents asked U to take her with u to Delhi.

    Ur basic problem is not that They are pressurizing U.. Ur basic problem is ur way of seeing the things in a different way which is making u feel that they are Wrong.. Don't take it on a negetive note, but try to understand what I am going to tell u now..

    I have seen a lot many people like that. They are ready to do something and they are planning for the same too, but only bcoz someone else asked them to do the same thing bcoz they'll be happy if u do this, They just turn opposite to them.. Just to get rid of them or to make them unhappy they get stubborn that "I was about to do this but now this thing will never be done bcoz U said this."

    This is called the Rebellious Nature which does not allows U to do anything which others expect from u or want U to do. Generally in Immature people or stubborn children this is truly visible.
    And This happens when U have a Lot of inner EGO which U dn't think exists but bcoz someone said something it gets disturbed.. These type of people think that How can someone ask me to do anything.. And why would I listen to the world. It is my life, My family, and I will keep it how I wanted not how others suggest me..
    So atlast these people do exactly opposite to what others ask them to do, hurting people who truly love them.

    At this point of time they forget that earlier they were also going to do the same but now bcoz their Ego is stopping them they are unable to do the same thing.

    My Suggestion on this is:

    Try to analyze that is it really a BIG BIG problem that Ur wife and parents come and live with U in Delhi. (Which I guess not at all a problem.)
    If thr is no problem then take them with u.. (Finding a flat, settling down are not that much a problem.. anyhow today or tommorrow U have to do that.)
    If thr is any problem at all, tell us what exactly the problem is and we'll suggest U something.. At the same time ask ur In-laws that U are planning for the same and they should give u 10-15 days time to arrange for them to come to Delhi.

    Now at last, Its ur wish U have to take this advice or not. But If U take it, it will be benificial for u only.

    ALL THE BEST..!!

  4. #4
    Avinash, May I please ask you the reason why you married your wife? Did you marry her so she could live with your parents? Now I am not against the idea of living with your in-laws after marriage as it is our old Indian tradition and I respect that fully. But when a girl gets married her top priority is her husband. She is expected to be respectful to people who are related to her HUSBAND. But in your case, the husband is completely missing. Had you been living in the same house as your parents, it would be a different story. Your wife belongs with you (her husband). She married you not your family. It's been 4 months and you have already left her with your parents. As you said it was an arranged marriage, you should give each other ample amount of time to know each other. If you didnt want to live with your wife after marrige, why did you get married at all? She left her parents house to be with her husband and not to be with her husband's parents where she seldom sees you whenever you go back home. It is your responsiblity to be with her wherever you go unless you are going on a war. I don't understand why you want to divorce her just because she wants to stay with the man she married. Now that you have married, it is your duty to make your marriage work and put your wife at the first place. Please do not ruin your and her life for a stupid reason. Make it work!

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    25
    Avinash,

    I went through your post and not found any reason for Divorce.

    Its very easy to file case but you should not forget the consequences. Try to finish the problem sitting with the parents and cast elders.

    All the best,, take care.

  6. #6

    Post

    Dear Sanjay, Sweta, and LostSoul…

    I think you all missed on something very basic which is not apparent and concentrated much on the peripheral matters of Avinash. Perhaps, you guys pushed too much into things asking what is the reason of marriage as argued by LostSoul, a probable divorce as suggested by Sanjay, and the importance of different view of life as portrayed by Sweta. All these suggestions, I believe, would be really ideal had Avinash really been into a serious situation. He is not.
    It is just 6 months, as he says, that he has been married to his wife. That is too little a time to understand someone whom he never knew. Added to it, he lives most of his life at Delhi and drops by once in a week. Again, even after marriage, he hardly lives with her. What bond, affection, or understanding they could probably hold with each other? A question only they both would know.
    Turning to Avinash,
    Avinash, it is time to ask questions to yourself than to ask us. A must question which I believe you should ask is “how much do you know your wife and how much does she know you?

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Bangalore
    Posts
    4,405

    Hi ashes22,

    I am not at all any type of activist..

    I just suggest people anything which seems correct after understanding the problem of that person.. I never give views which are eccentric and are only good for women..
    If you want to know really what type of views I give U can check my other suggestions & discussions...

    By the way, I tried to search ur thread/posts for your problem but unable to find any.. So please if possible give the link of the thread here so that I can check it...

  8. #8
    Hi Avinash!

    This is not that much big issue..
    Your wife wants to live with you. Nothing Bad in this this..
    Whatever Sweta said is absolutely correct..

    Just 4 months are over for your marriage..

    Did you ever took her for a trip? Did You both at least spent an hour in any ice cream shop?

    These all things a girl expect from her husband..
    She always want her husband to be with her..
    She wants to spend more and more time with him.

    You are earning for your wife and parents.
    If they are not happy, then there is no use even if you earn crores of rupees.

    If they are happy with you, then even if you earn 1000 rs per month that will bring smile on their face.. They will adjust their expenses..

    Why you dont think about such things?

    Analyse yourself.. Stop bringing stupid things in your brain..
    Talk to your wife..
    Shift them as soon as possible to Delhi..
    Dont blame others for no reasons..

    ALL THE VERY BEST..

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    15

    You can find me here

    [QUOTE=SwetaS;258155]I am not at all any type of activist..

    I just suggest people anything which seems correct after understanding the problem of that person.. I never give views which are eccentric and are only good for women..
    If you want to know really what type of views I give U can check my other suggestions & discussions...

    By the way, I tried to search ur thread/posts for your problem but unable to find any.. So please if possible give the link of the thread here so that I can check it...[/QUOTE]

    Hello ashes22 here ... You can read my other posts in various threads ..



+ Post New Topic + Post Reply
  
   Recent Posts in Indian Weddings
   Most Popular Posts at Sukh Dukh


AddThis Feed Button RSS Feed

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may edit your posts