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Thread: mom-in-law problem!!!Please help me

  1. #1
    Hi,
    I am a working in a well known MNC at a v reputed position. I earn v well.my problem is tht my in-laws can not digest my success in professional world. my mom-in-law is a house wife, she wants that i should do every work with her permission where as I dont like others involvement in my personal life.She is not living with us.
    Allthough, she showed tht she is v loving and caring but when the time comes to show her luv and care she just ignore everything, for ex: i m going to be blessed with a baby and she should come to my home to take care of me and earlier she promised me as well but she dint come by saying tht i ll not come to ur place untill u leave the job or will not take leave, however this is not possible for me.

    she also forced me to visit to her place very frequently which took allmost 5hrs to reach there, and when i deny she makes nesty comment on me. However, my mom's house is at the distance of 45 min only, she dont allow me to visit there.

    She also says nesty things to my husband abt me, which cause a serious fight between me n my husband.many time I also hear their talks and i felt v bad abt all tht.She dont loose a single moment to comment on me which feels me a lots of hate against her.

    My husband dont want me to argue with her and ask me to be quiet. I was married around 15months ago, since then i m just listening her comments.
    I would also like to mention here tht my 2 sister-in-laws and 1 brother-in-law also make comment on me and my mother-in-law appreciates them, where as my father-in-law is of a very loving and caring and of quiet nature, he dont tell anything to anyone.

    my in-laws also make comment on my mothers family, which i cant tolerate and many times i had told them clearly but it always ended up me with tears.

    My husband is v loving and caring towards me, he took notice of every problem incurring to me but when the things comes abt his parents either he simply ignores or ask me to be quiet.

    Time to time, we also give costly gifts to my in laws, tht time they r v happy but after 2-3 days life become as it is.

    I could not understand wht should I do?? neither i could tolerate my in laws anymore or not want to have fight with my husband.

    Please help me

    Regards,
    Monika Gupta
    [email]garg.moni@gmail.com[/email]



  2. #2
    Hi Moni,
    Yours is really a serious problem...I have noticed since last few days that you have helped all teh memebrs here on the in-laws issues, thats so nice of you.
    Its very wrong on your mother-in-law. But its good that you dont stay with them. I would suggest you to go to your parents house as often as you can. Because no body in this earth can take good care of you as ur mom does.
    REgarding giving replies to your in-laws, you talk to your husband , as he is so nice he should listen to you and then he can talk to his brothers and sisters to not to comment on you. Since they are not feeding you they dont have any right to speak against you and make it very clear to your husband too.

    Take good care of yourself and the baby within you :)
    All the best

  3. #3
    Hi Moni

    This mother in law shit can be fixed in a moments notice. I would tell the skanky bitch to shut the F***K up. You sound like a successful professional. No body should have the right to tell you to quit your Job. As a matter of fact Susan B Anthony used to say A women should have her own purse. Being independent, having a career and your own money will afford you all kinds of choices. Ignore the in laws, think of them as the out laws. It sounds to me that this crap is all about control. No body likes to be controlled. As for as your husband is concerned he is a woos. Tell him to be a man and stand up for his family.

    If this does not work I suggest family counseling

  4. #4

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    Exactly i totally agree with NY... If your husband cares abt you so much,
    tell him to tell his mom to piss off, u have a right to live they way you want..

    And wait lemme get this str8, they stopped you from seeing your mom....
    Ure either blindly in love or stupid, no1 stops anybody from seeing their folks man

  5. #5
    I sincerely hope you will take my and casey's advice. Your mother in law sounds like a whack Job who is quite ignorant. During this time in your life ignore the bitch.

  6. #6

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    Like seriously now.... have you fixed it yet.... or shud i say fixed her yet...
    Put her in her place, and dont gimme that crap abt respecting the elders... blah blah blah....

    Ure a married woman for crying out loud... ur hubby is such a mommys boy for acting like this
    jerk... i would have sent my hubby packing str8 to his moms house....
    if ure as sucessful as u say u r, u dont need a man & his mom to control ur life....

  7. #7
    I think the best thing will be to try to make your husband understand your problem. Don't fight on the issue. Talk to him in a mature way and ask him how would he feel if your mother taunts him. As for your in-laws, ignore them completely. Don't react at all. ANswering back will only make the matters worse. Just keep quiet at that point of time and later, tell your husband the entire situation in a neutral way, without giving any comment on your in-laws beahvior. Let him come to the conclusions himself and Im sure that he will come out on your side only.

  8. #8
    And please, please, please, take care of yourself and the baby. Let them do whatever they want. Ignore them and do things that please you. It is very important for you to be happy at this time.

  9. #9

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    HI

    just want to say u why do u want her to come to ur place be independent dont do things all by ur self or hire a domestic help or get ur mum at ur place the more u go behind her she will show the attitude so be happy that ther are not stying with u so enjoy ur life get ur mum at ur place or go there for a change no one will say u anything as ur pergant so use this .


    if she forces u to quit the job tell her to mind her business ( use ur pergnecies ) no one can hurt u now or upset u as it can effect the baby i hope u understand whAt i m hinting u at learn to play policts .

  10. #10

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    Don’t worry about all these things because its not happening with you only, this is the most common thing which happens to all working women. Since you are expected try to avoid all tensions and concentrate on your health.

  11. #11
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    Problems do arise when a woman goes out for work. A woman can go out for work when there is no sufficient income by any means or her husband is incapable. By law of nature, a woman's proper place is the home. Homemaking is not an inferior one. It is a blessed one, even greater than earning outside. Domestic contentment is the most important thing to any woman in this world. A woman scores 25 marks as a daughter, 50 marks when she attains puberty, 75 marks when she becomes wife of man, 100 marks when she becomes a mother of her children. Such woman is said to be complete. She cannot bring justice to her womanhood as a working woman. Children need mother's care more than father's care, right from infancy to teenage. Children in the absence of mother's care will become anti-social elements. Excess of individualism or free life style beyond the traditions, culture and law of nature is very dangerous. It can break up family life. A man's proper duty is to earn from outsdie. The nature's law says that a man should do man's work, and a woman should do a woman's work. The human society collapses when this law is disturbed. There is no male domination in this, but it is a god's plan of creation. Rapid increase of divorce cases is the best example of violtion of nature's law. Any family would be happy as long as woman stay in house. A house with out a woman is a temple with no goddess. It can become the demon castle.

  12. #12

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    Hi Monika,

    I am having problems with my MIL too... She is very bossy and has caused difference of opinion between me and my husband.. infact he is also pissed with what she did... but decided to forgive her... i have not been able to forgive.. i tried and told her lets forget abt everything and do a new beginning... but it looks like its not going to work.. when me and my hubby had a fight.... she and my husband's brother took every opportunity to break us apart... but we are still together..

    I will tell you what I have done... if you really think your husband loves you he will be on your side... but men are good to talk, they usually cant stand up to their mom's.. and let me tell u men are more emotional than women.. we are the strongest gender.. mentally...

    I simply stopped talking to my mother-in-law.. try to manage without her... try to bring your parents.. ur grandma or aunt or someone else to help u.. actually by now.. u must have had a child... but u will need help.. i guess. Dont talk to her.. ignore her completely.. just think that your husband doesnt have parents... ofcourse some people like Mr.RAMESH here.. who is from 17th century... is a total male chauvenist will start talking about Karyeshu dasi and etc etc of sanskrit sloka.. I just want to ask him one thing.. who are the people who wrote all these sentences... they were Men... they definitely need a women.. to be educated.. but after that sit at home and cook for them..and they basically want their wives to be all colorful.. and presentable to the world..just like TV serial ladies...I just want to ask him one more thing.. what happens to couples, where one of the spouse passes away at a young age... do u think Men cannot raise children... I think all of this totally depends on individuality and you cannot generalize that women who sit at home, cook.. raise better children.. My grandma who is 94 yrs of age worked as a professor, so did my mom and so am I... i think I have turned out to be pretty good.. and getting to ivy league college like Harvard.. would prove that... so please.. dont generalize and denigrate women.. men wrote the rules and they want to rule too... if given a chance women would make this place a better place..

    I know I have diverted away from MIL topic.. but just ignore her... I think she needs to learn a lesson...a person who has made a mistake... big or small will have to face the punishment.. dont even think of dialogues like.. "u be the better person.. u know how horrible she is etc etc" all fo that doesnt work.. bec they will take it as a chance and try to dominate you and say bad things abt your family...instead of putting leg in keechad (dirty water... for mom-in-law).. just walk from the side.. ignore her presence...

    TC
    Renu

  13. #13

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    hi rdkulk,

    i am also monica gupta....working as a paralegal in a law firm and have a kid two yrs and three months old. i too live with my in-laws. and the same problem again. MIL she is so irritating. unhe har baat mein apni naak ghusaani hai whether she knows about it or not. and dusre logon ko bhi wahin samjhati hai jo unhe samajh aata hai, like my FIL ko. har baat mein tik-2 karne ki aadat hai, jo marzi karlo unhe khush karne ke liye..par na to khud khush hona hai na auron ko hone dena hai.

    uske baad bhi suno ki tum hamare saath aisa vyavahar kar rahe ho and nonsense.

    the point that you have mentioned about ignoring her is ok. i tried this you know. par phir is baad pe chik-2 karni hai ki hamari to koi izzat nahi karti ye and bla.bla.bla

    i am to tired. aur koi unhe rokta bhi nahin faltu bakwaas karne se. kabhi mere husband ye nahi kahenge ki kyo subah-sham ek hi raag alapti ho...bas chup-chap sunte rahte hain..phir itna gussa aata hai na ki mann karta hai, pta nahi kya karun.

    ab to lagne laga hai ki in sabka koi ilaaj hi nahi hai, husband se discuss karo to khud ke relations kharab hote hai.

    b'coz according to him, mujhe in sab cheezon ke alawa kuch soojhta hi nahi hai

    AB BATAO

  14. #14
    Senior Member
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    Dear Renu,

    I agree with you totally.


    The below is for Ramesh.

    What you say is an ideal situation and too wouldbe fit if we are in the early 80's and 90's. However in today's world reality is quite different. Women are equally capable and infact they are more talented than us ( men ) They can juggle too many things, handle pressure well and above all be caring and loving. We must really appreciate these qualities in them.

    I read some where that God first created Adam and then he looked at it and then thought " I guess I can create something better " and then he created " Eve "

    In today's scenario, and high cost of living it is not easy to manage a household on a single income and even if we are able to manage, the additional income can go towards savings which would come handy at a later stage. If the girl is educated then its all the more important the husband understands his wife's priorities and help her to achieve her ambition in life. that would be a good husband.

    I know of a an ex colleague's wife who even removes the socks and shoes when the guy returns from the office. May be she is doing it out of love, but then isn't the guy not exploiting her goodness.

    There is absolutely no harm in the woman working as long as they have mutually agreed to it and also share their household work.

    Sanjay


    > Hi Monika,

    I am having problems with my MIL too... She is very bossy and has caused difference of opinion between me and my husband.. infact he is also pissed with what she did... but decided to forgive her... i have not been able to forgive.. i tried and told her lets forget abt everything and do a new beginning... but it looks like its not going to work.. when me and my hubby had a fight.... she and my husband's brother took every opportunity to break us apart... but we are still together..

    I will tell you what I have done... if you really think your husband loves you he will be on your side... but men are good to talk, they usually cant stand up to their mom's.. and let me tell u men are more emotional than women.. we are the strongest gender.. mentally...

    I simply stopped talking to my mother-in-law.. try to manage without her... try to bring your parents.. ur grandma or aunt or someone else to help u.. actually by now.. u must have had a child... but u will need help.. i guess. Dont talk to her.. ignore her completely.. just think that your husband doesnt have parents... ofcourse some people like Mr.RAMESH here.. who is from 17th century... is a total male chauvenist will start talking about Karyeshu dasi and etc etc of sanskrit sloka.. I just want to ask him one thing.. who are the people who wrote all these sentences... they were Men... they definitely need a women.. to be educated.. but after that sit at home and cook for them..and they basically want their wives to be all colorful.. and presentable to the world..just like TV serial ladies...I just want to ask him one more thing.. what happens to couples, where one of the spouse passes away at a young age... do u think Men cannot raise children... I think all of this totally depends on individuality and you cannot generalize that women who sit at home, cook.. raise better children.. My grandma who is 94 yrs of age worked as a professor, so did my mom and so am I... i think I have turned out to be pretty good.. and getting to ivy league college like Harvard.. would prove that... so please.. dont generalize and denigrate women.. men wrote the rules and they want to rule too... if given a chance women would make this place a better place..

    I know I have diverted away from MIL topic.. but just ignore her... I think she needs to learn a lesson...a person who has made a mistake... big or small will have to face the punishment.. dont even think of dialogues like.. "u be the better person.. u know how horrible she is etc etc" all fo that doesnt work.. bec they will take it as a chance and try to dominate you and say bad things abt your family...instead of putting leg in keechad (dirty water... for mom-in-law).. just walk from the side.. ignore her presence...

    TC
    Renu

  15. #15
    Hi All,

    Thanks a lot for your support and guidance.After a long time, I again come across to this forum.
    First of all, I want to tell you that I am blessed with a baby boy who is now allmost one and half year old.

    Allthough, I faced a hell of problems just to bring him at this point, but by the grace of GOD and your wishes, all is settle now.

    I am happy, thanks a lot for your help


    Monika Gupta

  16. #16
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    Hi Monika

    It's great to see you after such a long time and that too, with this great news.

    Wish you all the very best for your future. And if possible, do visit sukh-dukh to share joys and sorrows.
    “There is nothing so pathetic as a bore who claims attention - and gets it”

  17. #17
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    Looks lik a clear case of dominating. Maybe your MIL doesn't like your independence or is jealous because you threaten her position in the household. Tread over this issue carefully as you don't wnat to hurt others in the process. Take your husband into cofidence and request him to allow you to visit your parents as it can be emotionally disturbing not to be with your mom at this tiime... Also take his help to convince your MIL that your job is a very important part of your personality and you want to conitnue with it . Finally don't let these things bother your mindframe as every other family has MIL problems so relax and do what yu can to change/ improve things. Beyond that just sit back and relax..

  18. #18
    [QUOTE=moni_garg;11547]Hi,
    I am a working in a well known MNC at a v reputed position. I earn v well.my problem is tht my in-laws can not digest my success in professional world. my mom-in-law is a house wife, she wants that i should do every work with her permission where as I dont like others involvement in my personal life.She is not living with us.
    Allthough, she showed tht she is v loving and caring but when the time comes to show her luv and care she just ignore everything, for ex: i m going to be blessed with a baby and she should come to my home to take care of me and earlier she promised me as well but she dint come by saying tht i ll not come to ur place untill u leave the job or will not take leave, however this is not possible for me.

    she also forced me to visit to her place very frequently which took allmost 5hrs to reach there, and when i deny she makes nesty comment on me. However, my mom's house is at the distance of 45 min only, she dont allow me to visit there.

    She also says nesty things to my husband abt me, which cause a serious fight between me n my husband.many time I also hear their talks and i felt v bad abt all tht.She dont loose a single moment to comment on me which feels me a lots of hate against her.

    My husband dont want me to argue with her and ask me to be quiet. I was married around 15months ago, since then i m just listening her comments.
    I would also like to mention here tht my 2 sister-in-laws and 1 brother-in-law also make comment on me and my mother-in-law appreciates them, where as my father-in-law is of a very loving and caring and of quiet nature, he dont tell anything to anyone.

    my in-laws also make comment on my mothers family, which i cant tolerate and many times i had told them clearly but it always ended up me with tears.

    My husband is v loving and caring towards me, he took notice of every problem incurring to me but when the things comes abt his parents either he simply ignores or ask me to be quiet.

    Time to time, we also give costly gifts to my in laws, tht time they r v happy but after 2-3 days life become as it is.

    I could not understand wht should I do?? neither i could tolerate my in laws anymore or not want to have fight with my husband.

    Please help me

    Regards,
    Monika Gupta
    [email]garg.moni@gmail.com[/email][/QUOTE]

    Hii monika,

    Seems like ur probs is also same as mine.....jus wanna share my thoughts ...
    dis is like really a very common problem whr u r stuck betw the two ppl.....even i could nt think of a solution but only i can say that why only women always suffering like this , y cant we enjoy our own life......why inlaws hv problem if u live in ur own way....y they want 2 interfere in our lives so much.....really dont hv any answer...

    main point is .....can we spoil our life with this suffering ??
    We have all the rights of freedom and living in our own way...nobody should interfere in this.....and there is nothing wrong in that.....this our own life and we r not hurting anybody if we want to live in our own way......
    and u r self dependent person....so dont ever listen to her comments until they r right .......
    u can call ur mom and keep one maid for help instead of ur mother in law..........this will give her a big torture....
    tell ur husband to see what is right.......if his mother is doing wrong he should be able to handle this .........insted of fighting with u.....

    if our inlaws understand this fact....then our lives wiil become heaven......thats d only solution....

    hope this helps...

  19. #19
    Senior Member
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    Smile

    Hello Monica,

    As a women we have so many responsibilities to take up in our life. In law's problem is every common now a days. They torture like hell, they never think there past that they were also a daughter in law. We are Indians and have all the rights to live in our own way. I would suggest you, please don't take her words in your mind and spoil your happiness. Keep up your reputation and be happy with your lovable husband. He loves you very much and he can't give up his parents as well. You have to adjust and finally one day they themselves would shut their mouths.

    At last, I would like to tell never ever drop your job and give up their sake. Good Luck!

  20. #20

    Red face In laws problem

    Hello All,

    I am new to this forum, happen to accidently find this discussion forum while searching solutions on google . I am married since last two years and now planning for a kid, my marriage was a love marriage and there was lot of class/lifestyle difference between my husband's and my family. We got married and all credit goes to my husband's love and dogged determination in gathering that respect for me.
    Since marriage my in-laws have ill treated me, they were expecting a beautiful girl, tall and one who can perform all sorts domestic work, prepare all exotic dishes and keep on wagging tail every now and then for them. Unfortunately I have none of these so call talents. I am working in a reputed IT firm and do not get sufficient time to prepare special dishes etc etc. My in laws have visited us twice and both the times my mother in law has passed ill comments on my looks( she even went to the extent of telling in front of my husband and father-in-law that I am ugly and because of her ill fate she couldnt get a beautiful DIL), she will be very good to her son and will be very upset the moment she sees me. She and my FIL both taunt at me not just in front of me but also in front my SILs. My FIL is a cunning person and tries to seek motive in anything he does, he is a selfish sort of a person. He and my MIL both keep on complaining that I dont do any domestic work. Without any reason my MIL will be upset and will make a very sad face as if somebody has slapped her and even after asking her so many times she wont answer, this clearly passes a signal to me that she is not interested in talking to me but just for my husband I keep on attempting to talk to her but everytime she passes a comment which hurts me deeply. I am shocked, we smile at even enemies, my MIL doesnt even smiles when she used to open the door for me. My husband is a person who loves me a lot but at the same time he is very close to his parents, he talks to them daily without fail. He is aware of all this happening around but tells me to take initiative of talking to his Mom so that someday she will understand and acknowledge me, he also says that dont get bogged down and just ignore them. I am confused because he is very close to them, dont understand what should I do..my husband is so close to them, when they fall sick, they will come and stay with us and that will be hellish for me. What should I do, if it is a common problem then how do women deal with it..i really want to know...please help...
    Last edited by kanakshrivastava; 04-30-2012 at 05:36 PM. Reason: Subject by mistake is wrong



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