Thread: confused and estranged
My story involves my father. we live in the united states and when i was in high school at age 16 my father became involved with a woman that worked in one of his motels. I am 30 now and he has been living two separte lives. some nites he stays with this other woman and her son. other nites with my mother. we are four girls and all have our own lives and famiiles. all this time he pretends it is not real/ but
goes arond in the same community wiht this other person. to top it off she works in his business so he is with her and her son all this time. my mother being a good indian woman has not left him, although always considers it. she is an amazing mother and we all love her and don't like our father. he has really caused so much hurt for her. she does not have the same frnd circle as they did. because now she goes everywhere alone. even visiting her grand kids. he hardly is available for them.
i have really hated and resentd him for doing this to us and my mom. so you use we live in a situaton where he comes and goes as he pleases. it has been almost 16 yers of torture. even when we come to visit - like once a year he only stays home some nites.... he says he has to be at his businesses. he denies it all. but now he seems to be defiant and talks about his other family as if he is defiant and can think it is normal.. all these years it has been awfull the sadness i feel, the sadness my sisters feel, and i can only imagine the sadness my mother goes through having to deal with him. we have begged him to get divorced..for some reason he does not want to divorce my mother. i am not sure why not, since he does whatever he wants and he has broken the trust. i used to pretend he was a good person because he has done a lot for his kids in terms of providing a life. but he is really awful and sometims i want to shake him and say why is he so stupid. to me id on't really have a father. and i am fine with that. i just wish he would just leave for goood. insted of years of this limbo deprssion. i hate him for doing this. perhaps he thinks gujarati men can get away with this. because of him my sisters and i are less trusting of our husbands and have severe emotional issues that are detremintal to our mental stablity not to mention all my mother deals with. any help or advice is much appreciated. i have never discussed this private issue with anyone, not even my closest of frnds who live in community and i am sure know, it has been a matter that we have kept within our familly....so after all these years of pain and anguish i am now opeingn up to talk about what i can do to make this better.
Anger leads to pain. I think you should just forgive your father and move on. As to his coming to your house, leave it to your mother. She has to take a decision. Remember that no people in this world are the same, so stop being suspicious of your husband. A relationship is based on trust and loyalty. Give your best and rest everything will fall into place sooner or later.
thank you for insight. it is hard to forgive him/ i don't think i can. he is an evil person and does not realize the pain he causes so many people.
we have left it to our mother as it is her decision.
trust with my own husband is strong...just have insecurites becase of my situation.
thank you again.
go for personal counselling.
May be get your mom to file divorce now.