Thread: Shall we let our 17 yr. old son free?? - a parent
i have a 17yr old son who wants to do everything to his wish, behaves badly with us , and wants his own freedom, never likes us interfering in his matters(any type of), shall we set him free??..i mean let him do whatever he wants to..?.urgent plz reply!
i think it is better to be a part of all the activities your kid wants to involve in. this way you will be able to share the same feeling as your kid and you will also be able to play an active part in his life.
if you become friends which is not easy then you can steer him to the right path in case he is making a mistake. i think you should first create a comfortable atmosphere so that he willingly shares everything with you. If that happens you can set him free...
Definitely you canít set him free to do anything he wants to do. Being his parents you will always be responsible for his actions. You will have to find out a solution.
Do you know why is he behaves badly with you when you interfere in his matters? Or we can say, do you have any idea why is he taking your suggestions, help or support as interference in his freedom? Is he behaving in that way with you only or it is his nature that he donít like any suggestion or interference?
Its not easy but you will have think like a 17 yr young boy of this generation, and please donít compare him from you when you were 17 yr old.
Try to understand his general behavior with others i.e. teachers, friends, etc You can do this by a formal and light chat with his friends. Be careful while speaking with his friends they must not think that you are interrogating them. You can do this on many occasions ie. party (you can also invite them ony any occasion i.e. birthday, anniversary, Holi, Diwali, New year etc.), Festival, Sports day etc. You must meet his teachers also to know his behavior.
If he has the same behavior with all then he needs a physiatrist. And if his behavior is normal with others then you will have to find out why he behaves like that with you only and bring necessary changes in you.
thankyou 'pkruhil' your words were really touching and i could understand where i was wrong and was commiting a mistake ..i would definitely improve on certain things .I have met his teachers and according to them he is absolutely normal in school and great with friends its only at home that he behaves absurdly with us ..he is used to overreact at certain things his attitude is changing day by day ..an incident should help u understand you better ..'we asked him to come along for his grandfather's birthday party he started panting that i do not have good clothes first buy me good clothes and then will i go!! when we insisted he started crying and shouting on us and in the end very stubbornly he said "..ok then i will go like this only(in the night suit).."and he actually came there in his night suit everybody was looking at him which made him shout at all of them and he ran back into the car!!' what shall we do about him?? - A PARENT thanx again!!
Please correct me if I am wrong, what I have understood by all this is that he doesnít want you around him. Before saying anything on this I would request you go give me some more information like:-
1 How many children you have, is he the only one or more? If more then what are their gender and age?
2 In what way you have monitored his actions so for? I mean to say do you check his drawers and cupboard in his absence? Or do you check his other personal things also in his absence? If yes, then the most important thing is, whether he knows about it or not?
3 Or you have not bothered to monitor him at all till date and now for the last few days or months you have realized that you must monitor his actions and you started doing it?
4 Are you confident about the quality of his friend circle?
5 Does he has computer at home? Or he visit maximum times to his friend who has a personal computer?
6 Since when he has started behaving like that few months, 1 yr, or many years?
7 Try to remember any major incident that happened with him or you which might be related with his this behaviour.
8 Are you living a happy married life? Do you fight with one another (both parents)?
Please tell me more things like that, whatever you can remember about him.
answers to ur questions pkRuhil(thanx for answering):
1)2 chldren : the other one doing MBA
2)I have been monitoring his actions for long he knows about it.
4)yes.his friends are like angels.
5)yes he has and he stays at the internet for approx.5-8 hrs.
6)he has been like this for 2-3 yrs.
7)no incident as such
8)our married life is good..no problems ever!!
i think it is the high time that you should go to a ocunsellor or you are going to face more problems from this 17 year old as he has started showing very bad signs of child aggressive behaviour.
you are doing well while trying to be good parents but still the problem is persisting, so what are you waiting for,to have a situation that is worst till date?