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Thread: Coping with divorce + a 10 months old child - Indian

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    dumka
    Posts
    2
    Mine was an arranged marriage before 2 years. We were engaged for 6 months. Am an Engineer and he is an MBA from local college. My family is better off financially than them, still we went ahead as my parents belonged to different sects of brahmins, a hindu sect.

    Before marriage my ex-husband's family was friendly but only after marriage we came to know that they had 30lakhs loans due to his father's online trading, his sister's loose morals who is in the uS and his mother's interfering, avaricious nature. Just after 10th day of marriage, I was harassed saying my parents didn't given them enough money. Initially they said they don't have any demands, but slowly his mother started asking for cash, jewels and too many silk sarees, which my parents gave her as I have to live there.

    But even after my marriage, my m-i-l wanted us to sleep separately - we were in delhi and they were in chennai. She would call up at night and ask my ex-huby what was he doing. He was a puppet in her hands. She used to instigate him like anything.

    He used to beat me, sell my jewels, ask this and that from em and my parents were constantly supporting us financially. He was indecisive and instable in his job. I thought our child would make him feel committed towards us, and I conceived, for that he objected on and off but kept quiet after sometime. During the 7th month of pregnancy, he asked me whether we need this child as i couldn't do all household work and it has handicapped me!!!!!

    He was a dullard and a boor, initially we mistook it for his soft spoken and reserved nature :((

    On my delivery he very well knew that I was hospitalized for delivery, still didn't even call me and ask me whether I have delivered. I delivered a beautiful male baby and he ditched us and absconded from our last residing place. After sometime he has sent me a divorce notice for mental cruelty and harassment :((

    Am now working and supporting my son and myself, my parents are also earning and I have some assets which I have deposited in my son's name. I want my child's custody, never want my huby or his parnets to take him away, I would die of depression then and they wont keep him well, they might even sell him :((

    Am depressed, though broken marriage is better than bad marriage, which would've given a bad atmosphere to my son to grow up, Am really depressed. I don't want to marry again as I don't know how the new person would treat my son. My son is everything to me. Let me know what should i do to live peacefully.

    Am trying to contest his divorce petition and trying for getting money from him, so that he will also feel responsible towards his baby. He hasn't got him even a tin of milk powder or a dress. Only God should teach them a lesson and punish them :((



  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Hyderabad
    Posts
    2
    I can't really give you advice, but I wish you good luck.

    If you're educated (you say that you are an engineer), you can support yourself financially.

    I think you should be open-minded - I think you can find a good decent loving husband in future, someone who will accept you and your son, if you look carefully, and please be open-minded.

    DON'T EVER TURN TO RELIGION - YOU WILL NEVER FIND TRUE HAPPINESS IN RELIGION.

    Give your son a good education, and remember, [U]always be careful whom you trust, and teach your son to be careful also[/U].

    Life is difficult sometimes, but you will find true love and happiness if you believe in yourself.

    Good luck, take care of yourself and your child, always be positive, I know it's difficult, but be positive!!

    ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!! ALWAYS!!! LIFE IS DIFFICULT SOMETIMES, BUT BELIEVE IN YOURSELF... YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS!!! I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED ALSO, BUT I GOT THROUGH IT - JUST NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!

    TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, BEST WISHES!!!

  3. #3

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    dumka
    Posts
    2
    thanks vathsyayana for ur kind and encouraging words... i will keep them in mind. so far re-marriage is the farthest thing in my mind. lets see what God has in store for me.
    thanks again

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Posts
    0
    I understand that life has been very unkind to you. But please do not give up. You should not be depressed. Your son is your world now. Take good care of him. As far as your future, please do not think about it now, as it might depress you. As we say Time is a healer, it will give its own remedy.

    If you are doing a job, concentrate on it and it will keep you going. Take good care of your parents.

    Never ever allow your husband or your inlaws come back in your life.

    Even my life is the same. My wife and her parents are troubling me. She is living with her parents for the past 3 months. Right now, she is going with someone else and it is really hurting me.

    I just said to you what i said to myself..

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Ghaziabad
    Posts
    38
    u had experienced a really pathetic phase in your life but be brave and take care of child .

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Posts
    0
    I think it would be nice, if you can talk & sort out the problems. Life's up & downs will be always there, but it's the way you look at the problems. Give your self & him another chance. Nothing has ever been gained by Divorce. Spend some time together & then decide what you both will be upto. Write down his mistake in your point of view & ask him to write his down & then you both can work it out. In the meantime, ask him to spend some time with his child. So that child does not suffer. He has to get love from both his mom & his dad. Thanks

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Chennai
    Posts
    13
    Hi,
    Please do not sign any divorce papers. Whatever you lost forget about it. Concentrate on yourself and your child. Believe and have FAITH in GOD. HOPE is the next. God does wonders in life.

    Everyone has some problem or the other in life. It is not just you, my dear. God is watching from above. Please do not curse your husband or his family members. Leave them in God's hands. HE will work mighty things for you.

    Have a great future with your parents and your child.

    God Bless You always,

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Chennai/Bangalore
    Posts
    2,819
    Hi Diamond,

    Its almost a year since you wrote this post and I happened to read this now only. Just wanted to find out how this one year has gone by for you. There were some really wonderful piece of advice from other members and I hope you might have over come your problems to an extent. As they say, time is the best healer, I am sure you would have got some peace by now.

    I pray that your life would be really good hence forth and god should bless you will all the happiness in this world.

    Sanjay

  9. #9

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Bangalore
    Posts
    22
    go contest the divorce. Make him pay money for the child and 100% custody for your kid. Since this guy seems to be a shameless on, get 100% custody. Sacrifice anything for that

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    chennai
    Posts
    3
    Forget about the case & stuff that will make your life more sick & it takes ages till u get justice for u & your kid .Past is past better look for future , carry on your self , u will find a guy who cares for u & loves ur kid .have a relationship with him then think ahead . One bad marriage is not all that is for ever
    there are many things in life other then marrage & hus-band ( rubber band ) .So just chilll & feel the same old lovely woman as u were care free & enjoying before marriage .Be as if nothing has happed to u & the kid is gods gift to u .
    regars

    sameer

  11. #11

    Thumbs up Answer to your concern.

    Hi,

    I just saw your concern and its been long years answering your question/concern.

    As per hindu law it says that the father is the first person and mother the second person being the guardian of the kid/kids they have.

    Second, the law says the the mother can keep the child, if male for five years and if female for eighteen years.

    Third, it is not necessary to go with these rules, as you can VERY WELL DEMAND IN THE FAMILY COURT THAT YOU ARE THE SOLE CUSTODIAN OF THE KID FROM THE DAY HE/SHE WAS BORN TILL DATE AND IT IS YOU WHO HAVE THE RIGHT TO KEEP THE CUSTODY OF THE KID.

    Fourth, do go to the family court at the earliest, and file a petition regarding the custody of the kid. This is the first matter you have to do before moving out for a divorce.

    Fifth, do file criminal case/petition against your ex husband and mother in law for both mental and physical torture with the local police station. This really helps you to get the first hand in a divorce case. Let he and his family run like a DOG to prove they were innocent.

    Sixth, do talk to a good lawyer with your family support and finaly

    Seventh, do have a confidence in yourself, trust and worship the almighty.

    THE REST FALLS IN ITS PLACE AUTOMATICALLY.

    Do feel free to catch me at sumesh@who.net

    Sincerely,

    Sumesh Sivasankar
    [QUOTE=diamond-ra;20505]Mine was an arranged marriage before 2 years. We were engaged for 6 months. Am an Engineer and he is an MBA from local college. My family is better off financially than them, still we went ahead as my parents belonged to different sects of brahmins, a hindu sect.

    Before marriage my ex-husband's family was friendly but only after marriage we came to know that they had 30lakhs loans due to his father's online trading, his sister's loose morals who is in the uS and his mother's interfering, avaricious nature. Just after 10th day of marriage, I was harassed saying my parents didn't given them enough money. Initially they said they don't have any demands, but slowly his mother started asking for cash, jewels and too many silk sarees, which my parents gave her as I have to live there.

    But even after my marriage, my m-i-l wanted us to sleep separately - we were in delhi and they were in chennai. She would call up at night and ask my ex-huby what was he doing. He was a puppet in her hands. She used to instigate him like anything.

    He used to beat me, sell my jewels, ask this and that from em and my parents were constantly supporting us financially. He was indecisive and instable in his job. I thought our child would make him feel committed towards us, and I conceived, for that he objected on and off but kept quiet after sometime. During the 7th month of pregnancy, he asked me whether we need this child as i couldn't do all household work and it has handicapped me!!!!!

    He was a dullard and a boor, initially we mistook it for his soft spoken and reserved nature (

    On my delivery he very well knew that I was hospitalized for delivery, still didn't even call me and ask me whether I have delivered. I delivered a beautiful male baby and he ditched us and absconded from our last residing place. After sometime he has sent me a divorce notice for mental cruelty and harassment (

    Am now working and supporting my son and myself, my parents are also earning and I have some assets which I have deposited in my son's name. I want my child's custody, never want my huby or his parnets to take him away, I would die of depression then and they wont keep him well, they might even sell him (

    Am depressed, though broken marriage is better than bad marriage, which would've given a bad atmosphere to my son to grow up, Am really depressed. I don't want to marry again as I don't know how the new person would treat my son. My son is everything to me. Let me know what should i do to live peacefully.

    Am trying to contest his divorce petition and trying for getting money from him, so that he will also feel responsible towards his baby. He hasn't got him even a tin of milk powder or a dress. Only God should teach them a lesson and punish them ([/QUOTE]



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