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Thread: Troubled Marriage

  1. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Hi Charu...appreciate your courage and will to change your hubby..what you have done is the right thing at this moment..all the best

  2. #22
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Excellent post. I was checking continuously this post and Iím impressed! Very helpful information specially the remaining part I care for such information much. I was looking for this particular info for a long time. Thanks and best of luck.

  3. #23
    @ Charu,

    My humble request for you is dont take decision when you are in a pissed mood, it always lead you in a wrong way. give time to you and your hubby as well! I am sure he will understand you and he will miss you and come back to you. I will pray for you ! be bold and think twice before you act.

  4. #24
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012

    hi charu

    [QUOTE=CharuSharma;265409]Hi All,
    Its been nearly 2months when I moved out of that house. While we were doing our counselling, I was offered an onsite oppurtunity from my office for 1 month to Seattle, which I took. So, altogether we had just 3 counselling sessions.
    Anyways, while I am away from my husband, we chatted couple of times in which my husband said he misses me a lot and that there is no life without me. He says that he won't beat me again and will walk out when he is angry. He still puts all the blame for any fight on me and says that I could have avoided them.
    He won't beat me : But Ruby, this he said after every fight. After every fight, he came to me to apply medicine on my wounds and said that it was the last time but then again after not more than 2-3 days, he bet me again.
    While chatting, I told him that I won't come back in that house since I don't feel safe. And truely speaking, I have that fear. Here is Seattle, my work has improved and I smile a lot more. When I look back and recall the horrifying incidents and I am thankful to God that I am still not physically disabled in some sort because slaps were for small issues. There were instances when he even tried to strangle me and drag me from the kitchen to the drawing room. Reason, dishes were not dry as they should be.
    He cannot even give me the joy of becoming a mother. This also did not matter if he would have loved me and respected me. But he treated me as a piece of shit and I kept thinking that things will improve one day. One day he will respect me.

    I know my quote shows that I am a stronger person now but I have my instances of weakness. Still at times, I miss him deeply and burst out crying but I have to hold myself now. I don't want to suffer anymore.


    i know wat will say now may be u wont like ... but u took a good decesion .....

    as few people said ur husband need counselling ..... ya he needs a good psychiatrist ...

    take care

  5. #25



    It is about my physical safety. I don't want a life of constant fear, thinking that ok for today I am not beaten but what about tomorrow. And I will not be prepared since I might not know what might piss him off.

    I am returning back to Bangalore from my onsite project on 1st Nov 2012 and my husband is now messaging me that he has changed. He says that I would find a new HIM.

    He messages that he did some terrible things and does not want to lose me and is insisting on counselling.

    I loved this man and tried very bit to save my marriage but he took me for granted. Now he says he has changed.

    How do I accept this? I don't want to give myself any more false hope. I just want to be alone now.

    Please guide me, should I go for counselling? I am sorry, I want to get out of this dilemma but evry time I am pushed back into it.
    My mother and my relatives are totally aganist any counselling session and say that if he had to improve, he would have done it in these 3.8 years when we were together.

    Please advise and guide me. Am I falling back in his trap? Should I let go of him now?

    Alll I wanted was a true friend for life from a marriage and I got just the opposite.

    Please help me.

  6. #26
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012

    hi charu

    what ur family is suggesting ....?

    ur situtaion is not good .... i wont suggest to go back to him untill unless he visit to some psychiatrist ...

    as u are coming to bangalore then i can help u out .... i can suggest u some good psychiatrist here ..

    dont do hurry in going back ....

  7. #27
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Hi Charu,
    Your family is right. Your husband had plenty of time and opportunity to change but he didnot. He wants to control you by frightening you with physical violence.

    Nobody should live in fear of violence. If he can't control his behaviour he needs to suffer the consequences. If you go back to him you might not be lucky next time he is violent.

    My advice to you is to let him go and find somebody else. You deserve love and respect in life and a life free from constant fear.
    Look after yourself.

  8. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Charu ji,

    Basic nature cannot change even after counselling...it may become passive for sometime...your family is correct, don't fall in the trap and move on.

  9. #29
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    HI Charu,

    Your confused state is understandable as you have many people giving many suggestions.


    You can take any of these two steps:

    1. if you feel, stay away from him.. stay alone for sometime and check if he has realy changed. then if you feel you should go with him then start a new life with him

    2. If can give him a second chance and go and live with him in same house. But, dont mingle with him much and observe him for 3 to 4 months. But in this case, you fulfill all of wife's responsibilities. But, you may not have that emotional, physical touch with him.... dont go close to him or have any romane with him during this period.... try to understand whether watever he is saying is right or he is just pretending.

    As far as counselling is concerned, nobody can say wat will be the outcome.... but you should try all other option before going for separation. just try the counselling option as well. During this he would need your cooperation also and you have to go with open mind. Forget, what your parents are say for the time being..... Remember one thing that even when u go for divorce, court will anyway send you guys for counselling sessions. THey will not directly approve divorce.

    You love him and thats why you are not able to take a strict step... Try any of the above. If it does not work, you will have to take a strong step.

    If you have any questions, write here and I will try to answer.

    All the best

  10. #30
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Dear Charu,

    I am agree with Raj's point, you should stay separate from your husband for some time , from your above post it seems that you still love your husband and i think time teach every one , just hope for the best and also girls are more emotional than boys that is why you want to give another chance to your husband.Hope for the best may be your husband also realize his mistake and try to change him , we can not expect change suddenly but at least hope that living separate for some some make him realize your value in his life.

    Hope for the best.

    Good Luck

  11. #31

    He is still the same

    Hello Friends,

    No counseling helped since my husband never admitted to himself that he did a crime. He justified his actions in all counseling sessions. I loved this man deeply and he took advantage of my emotions.
    I gave this relationship every possible chance for survival but I cannot drag a relationship in which my husband is not willing to cooperate. I know I must have understood this the very first time he raised his hand on me, when he dragged me out of the kitchen and pushed me on the bed and punched me endless times just because I did not wipe the utensils after washing.

    Anyways, now I need to part ways from him.
    Thank you all for your posts and helpful advices.
    Please don't delete this post.


  12. #32
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Dont overact here ..

    You must be doing something for him to be angry

    Reality must be you must be blaming him unnecessarily .. provoking him .. let your husband show your reality in media .. why is he hiding ?? he should come to satyameva jayate and show girls are

    Today a brilliant program came on NTv ..how job girls are threat to marriages .. every boy should watch that program and avoid job girls. Every boy should just quit talking to any job girl .. in offices if you find any girl officer ..simply quit that office ..show a middle finger to her.

    Job girls are spoiled humans .. just keep distance from them and live happily.

  13. #33
    New Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013



    I have been married for over 3 years now. I have had constant arguments with my husband in my relationship.

    One week passes as if I am on a bed of roses and the next week we fight on something. I know every couple argues but my husband can't stand an argument and he starts hitting me.
    I love him from the core of my heart and he is also all protective about me but his terms should be met.

    When he is angry, I should be quite. When I am angry, I should maintain my tone. If I don't then I am taught the same with a nice beating session.
    It is not that he enjoys it. He is all sweaty when he gets angry and later regrets his actions. But he always says that everything is in my hands. I can handle the situation and avoid the fights. I have to understand that if he is angry I have to remain silent and if I am angry I should simply go out or do something but never say or use harsh words aganist him else he will teach me a lesson.
    We both have tried to nuture our relationship. I have invested every single penny of my earnings towards buying a new house for ourseleves and as part of daily household expenses and same with him.
    Till the time, I remain quite, things are wonderful. When I get angry, he gets twice as angry and things turn to dust.
    All my efforts, all the love just goes away. When he is angry, all he can see is that I am a culprit and I must be taught a lesson. He says I speak really ill when I am angry and if he does not teach me a lesson, I will be left alone. No one would like to be with me.
    But I am really fed up with all the beatings. I am scared to smile. Because, I have to cry the very next moment.
    One fight even ended up in a bleeding nose and swollen eye.
    Am I the one to blame? I have asked for help from all his family members but all say that I should not do anything that makes him angry. Please guide me. This is affecting my health, my job everything..
    I never thought of a day without him but I fear if one fight would be the last day of my life.
    Please help me.[/QUOTE]

    I think the best way is you should take help of reiki healing. This really works a lot. u didnt mention from which city u r. u will easily find reiki healers in various cities and u may search them in google. I wish all the best for u

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