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Thread: Please help me, please!!!

  1. #1

    Please help me, please!!!

    Hi All,

    I have not been a part of any such forum before. But my life has come to a point that I need help from anyone and everyone possible. I really need some opinion before i take my life or go mad.

    I have been married for 4.5 years. I used to love a person before i got married. He was not settled and hence my parents did not allow me to marry him. I can understand that part. But they forced me to get married without giving me any time to make peace with the situation. I was married to a guy from a conservative place who works in Bangalore and so do I. After getting married, i still used to talk to the guy i was in relationship with. Because it was very difficult to just let go of it. But i had decided to stay with the guy i was married to. We are two worlds apart. We don't have a common opinion about anything in this world. We don't share any interest. He doesn't like to go to pubs, i do. I like to drink occasionally, but he thinks that makes me a bad woman. We were a bit intimate when we initially got married, But then he found out about my past and from there it was a downhill. We fought like mad. He expected me to be guilty about everything and that expectation made me more aggressive and not sorry for anything that i have done. He expected me to put in more effort as i had "betrayed" him and i stuck to the point that we both have to make the efforts.
    We don't have any physical relationship. He in the past tried to force himself on me and that made a big impact on my mental condition about it. Now when he tries to approach me, i feel like i am getting raped. I don't love him at all. He is a nice guy, very conservative, likes to be a very joint family person, and i am the opposite. I dont like being in relatives too much. I feel suffocated. I am a career oriented person. Not that he stops me from working but i cant be the family woman he wants me to be.
    He wants to shift to Delhi because from Delhi his place is near and wants to stay near his parents. We have tons of family members there and i dont want to end up being a wife attending guests and attending functions. That's just not me. I hate Delhi. No offense to who are from that place, but in my opinion its a rape capital. I hate the attitude people have there. I have a great job here and i dont want to give that up. He thinks speaking english is not necessary, i feel it is. He thinks saying sorry and thank you are formalities, i dont. He lacks manners and i feel embarrassed to go out with him. I want to walk out of this marriage because i dont feel i am putting any effort and i dont even feel like.
    Problem is i love my parents, specially my dad. Love him to death. If i tell him i want to get separated he will never agree to it. All that samaaj problem. Plus for them i am being unreasonable. Coz he earns well, doesnt beat me up and doesnt drink or smoke. Is that the only thing necessary? should that suffice for two people to live together? I am not able to find the guts to tell my father about it. They kind of know that things are not good, but they dont know its to this extend. He doesnt keep well most of the time and i fear if i do something like this, it might affect him. And then i wont be able to forgive myself. I cant sail in two boats. Have been doing that for 4.5 years now and its high time i take a decision. i am pretty sure i wont be able to love my husband.

    Please help me!! Suggest what should i do? Should i go ahead and speak to my parents and think about my life ahead for once? Please reply before i end up taking a drastic step.



  2. #2
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    Thumbs down Hi serendipity,

    U know what your problem is... You are still expecting that somehow you get out of this marriage and get back to the life U had before ur marriage... But U know what, I am sorry to say, after quitting on this relationship No matter how hard you try U'll always feel sorry for not giving any chance to this marriage which U r currently in...

    You got married 4.5 years ago, But still Ur post shows that U don't have even a 1% of the Soft Corner for your husband in your heart... In 4 Years if we keep a Parrot or a Dog we start loving them more than anything..
    But He is a Human Being who is ur husband, who wants to Love u, Cares for u, & much more... Not Love but atleast we should feel some respect for him.. But its lacking in ur post...

    Frankly speaking, Guys have a very very Big Male Ego.. When anything like this comes out they generally feel so much cheated and they even blame their In-Laws for cheating on them by not telling the truth b4 marriage..

    But ur husband is really a nice guy that he had not blamed at all your parents or You for not telling this before marriage... Still he's trying to be in the relationship with you without thinking of breaking it... You should value his attitude that he didn't told his parents about this...

    You said you don't like living in a family & U don't like relatives... And you think you are right... Just think about a situation when ur brother's wife says the same thing and asks him to move out of ur parents house... Will u approve that girl to do the same... Being Career Oriented does not mean that U should not keep relations with any one...
    In a company also (whether a guy or a girl) If don't maintain good relations with Co-workers, how they are supposed to get any work done professionally and How are they supposed to get an increment If they don't keep relations good with their Boss or Manager who gives the ratings...

    If you don't want to keep too much close relations with any relatives its ur choice.. No One ever will force u to leave ur job and then go to any functions or parties.. If you want to remain a working women U can do that anywhere in the world be it Bangalore, Mumbai, Pune or Delhi NCR.. But If U want to remain arrogant & Egoistic U can't work anywhere in this whole planet...

    Physical relationship U said that U have nothing with ur husband lately and U people don't enjoy each other's company at all nowadays... Then U said when ur husband comes near, U feel like he's raping U..
    U tell us If u tell this to him that U feel like He's raping U, will he try to come near to you at all from the next time..
    Remember even a person with No Ego at all won't come near to u at all...

    U said He tried to force himself on u..
    Being a husband He has a right to come near and try to have a relation with you, with your consent... But when U didn't liked it, Did he beat u up, or tore ur clothes, or tie u up to force himself... I think No... When he saw U getting irritated He must have stepped back..

    Is there anything U have which proves that He is a Bad Guy... From your post Honestly NO...
    This post proves that U are not ready to accept ur mistake and to correct it you don't want any compromise.. So U just want to get out of ur relationship...

    I would suggest, If honestly U are having some Love for him Deep down ur Heart Plz try to consider his Points of Views and try to make up ur differences..
    Try to get the Rape thing out of ur mind and have normal Loving sex with ur husband...

    Love always comes in between 2 people only when they allow it to come.. In ur case U never allowed it till now...
    First open up ur heart for ur husband then see what happens...

    U have waited 4.5 years... Try it for another 6 Months... If does not work then No one can help you..
    And after ask ur dad to free you from this relation so that atleast ur husband doesn't have to suffer his whole life with a girl who does not love him at all...

  3. #3
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    Hi Serendipity,

    Well you and your husband are certainly poles apart. What you write about your marriage would seem that your relationship is at a standstill. If it is not salvaged soon it will become a stagnant pit. It depends on you whether to salvage it or not. I think you know what you want to do but you want it confirmed by others. I think you would be better out of it.

    Regarding your past:
    There was no betrayal on your part. Your relationship with your ex BF was in the past when your husband was nowhere on the scene so he has no business to feel betrayed by you or to make you feel guilty. If you continued to only talk to your ex then it shouldnt have been a big deal.

    Physical relations:
    Physical relations are an important part of marriage and should include love and respect for each other. If your husband tried to force himself on you he has no respect for you. He thinks of you as his property, to do whatever he wishes without taking your feelings into consideration. Marital rape is no different to rape by a stranger. It is considered as domestic violence and sexual abuse, which should not be tolerated by any spouse.


    ......."Problem is i love my parents, specially my dad. Love him to death. If i tell him i want to get separated he will never agree to it. All that samaaj problem. ......"

    Most parents want the best for their children and loving your parents is only natural. Your parents thought they were looking out for your future when they forced you to drop your BF and marry the man of their choice. You accepted their demand and now find yourself in an abusive marriage with no happiness, no closeness, and no desire from either side to make it work. Do you think you deserve to spend your whole life trapped liked this?

    Your parents might be sad that things haven't worked out as they hoped but no parent who loves their children would want to see them trapped in an unhealthy, unhappy, miserable and abusive relationship. You did not have any control over your own life prior to your marriage. You have tried your parents' choice which has not worked. You have gone through a tough and unhappy phase. If you want, you can try to turn it round and take some control of your own life.


    ".....Plus for them i am being unreasonable. Coz he earns well, doesnt beat me up and doesnt drink or smoke. Is that the only thing necessary? should that suffice for two people to live together?....."

    There is nothing unreasonable about wanting a happy, peaceful and safe life. What is missing from your married life is trust, mutual respect, love and the spark that keeps a relationship alive.


    ".........I am not able to find the guts to tell my father about it. They kind of know that things are not good, but they dont know its to this extend. He doesnt keep well most of the time and i fear if i do something like this, it might affect him. And then i wont be able to forgive myself......."


    You have to let your parents know. Not sharing with family is one mistake lots of people make and suffer in silence. You have a right to a happy life. You must tell your parents about the state of your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings. They will understand and support you. If they don't , then you will know that for them samaaj and superficial honour is more important than you.


    ".....I cant sail in two boats. ....."

    You know what you have to do. You must think of your life and speak up to your parents. You are an educated lady, be confident, brave and assert your right to a happy life. You only have one life, Make it a happy one.

  4. #4
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    Angry

    HI serendipity!
    I am totally with Sweta..
    Whatever she said is absolutely correct..

    You are in contact with your ex BF still even after 4.5 years of marriage?
    You are a modern girl.. You go to pubs, drink occasionally, want to live independently..
    Then why you dont have the courage of breaking your marriage?

    Poor husband, he is adjusting with you from last 4.5 years..
    You are punishing him only because he married you?
    Even if you have told him about your ex before marriage, he wud hav not proceeded further..
    You are such a modern and literate girl, then why your brain dint worked before marriage?

    And you know one thing.. Even though he is not satisfied with the physical relationship with you, he never went to some other girl.. How gentle he is! And you are still talking with your ex.

    He never beat u, never scolds you, never blames you for anything..
    You shud feel lucky to get a husband like this..
    Each and every indian girl like to have a husband like this..
    And you got such a wonderful husband, but you dont have the ability to maintain the relationship..

    Its up to you dear!
    I dont have anything to suggest you...
    Frankly speaking, I am literally angry on you...

    All the very best for your future..

  5. #5
    [QUOTE=SwetaS;258763]U know what your problem is... You are still expecting that somehow you get out of this marriage and get back to the life U had before ur marriage... But U know what, I am sorry to say, after quitting on this relationship No matter how hard you try U'll always feel sorry for not giving any chance to this marriage which U r currently in...

    You got married 4.5 years ago, But still Ur post shows that U don't have even a 1% of the Soft Corner for your husband in your heart... In 4 Years if we keep a Parrot or a Dog we start loving them more than anything..
    But He is a Human Being who is ur husband, who wants to Love u, Cares for u, & much more... Not Love but atleast we should feel some respect for him.. But its lacking in ur post...

    FYI: Loving dogs and parrots is way different than loving human beings. Human beings need to be compatible and respect each other to love each other.

    Frankly speaking, Guys have a very very Big Male Ego.. When anything like this comes out they generally feel so much cheated and they even blame their In-Laws for cheating on them by not telling the truth b4 marriage..

    But ur husband is really a nice guy that he had not blamed at all your parents or You for not telling this before marriage... Still he's trying to be in the relationship with you without thinking of breaking it... You should value his attitude that he didn't told his parents about this...

    FYI: He did create a fuss. He did tell his parents. His parents took my mobile ph bills and went behind my back to know who am i talking to. I had a relationship of 6 years and u or anyone cannot expect me to break it and forget it in few days. I was only talking to him, not having an extra marital affair. I was talking to him coz i was very lonely. Did not know who I can share my problems with.

    You said you don't like living in a family & U don't like relatives... And you think you are right... Just think about a situation when ur brother's wife says the same thing and asks him to move out of ur parents house... Will u approve that girl to do the same... Being Career Oriented does not mean that U should not keep relations with any one...

    FYI: His family is a conservative family unlike my family. My family doesn't force things on anyone and let them make their choices. When my brother gets married, my parents will not force her to fast every other day or wear saree, or force her to change totally according to their needs. Plus my parents have not made my brother a mamma's boy. They have made him capable of taking decisions and not be dependent on them for each and everything in life. My husband doesn't even go to bathroom without asking his mommy.

    In a company also (whether a guy or a girl) If don't maintain good relations with Co-workers, how they are supposed to get any work done professionally and How are they supposed to get an increment If they don't keep relations good with their Boss or Manager who gives the ratings...

    If you don't want to keep too much close relations with any relatives its ur choice.. No One ever will force u to leave ur job and then go to any functions or parties.. If you want to remain a working women U can do that anywhere in the world be it Bangalore, Mumbai, Pune or Delhi NCR.. But If U want to remain arrogant & Egoistic U can't work anywhere in this whole planet...

    Physical relationship U said that U have nothing with ur husband lately and U people don't enjoy each other's company at all nowadays... Then U said when ur husband comes near, U feel like he's raping U..
    U tell us If u tell this to him that U feel like He's raping U, will he try to come near to you at all from the next time..
    Remember even a person with No Ego at all won't come near to u at all...

    U said He tried to force himself on u..
    Being a husband He has a right to come near and try to have a relation with you, with your consent... But when U didn't liked it, Did he beat u up, or tore ur clothes, or tie u up to force himself... I think No... When he saw U getting irritated He must have stepped back..

    FYI: He once did tear my clothes.

    Is there anything U have which proves that He is a Bad Guy... From your post Honestly NO...
    This post proves that U are not ready to accept ur mistake and to correct it you don't want any compromise.. So U just want to get out of ur relationship...

    I do accept my mistake but i am not the only wrong person here.

    I would suggest, If honestly U are having some Love for him Deep down ur Heart Plz try to consider his Points of Views and try to make up ur differences..
    Try to get the Rape thing out of ur mind and have normal Loving sex with ur husband...

    Love always comes in between 2 people only when they allow it to come.. In ur case U never allowed it till now...
    First open up ur heart for ur husband then see what happens...

    U have waited 4.5 years... Try it for another 6 Months... If does not work then No one can help you..
    And after ask ur dad to free you from this relation so that atleast ur husband doesn't have to suffer his whole life with a girl who does not love him at all...[/QUOTE]


    He is not the only one who is suffering.

  6. #6

    Angry

    Hi Serendipity!

    "He is not the only one who is suffering. "


    You are making him to suffer and in turn you are also suffering..

    This situation can be handled only by you..

    No one can handle this except you..

    Either you change your attitude and accept him as your husband or You take divorce by hurting everyone including your parents..

    For your Benefits, if you want to hurt many people, then go ahead..

    It is your modernity, is that your parents taught you, then go ahead..

    The entire problem can be solved if you try to solve it..

  7. #7
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    Hi Serene,

    I can see a little of culture and love for your dad in your post. Hey, that culture given by your parents dint allows you to go for a divorce. He is your husband and he gives respect for the culture, marriage, tradition, and above all to you… that’s why, he dint go for a call girl to have a physical relationship?

    Though he had that sexual feeling, he is expressing it to you only. For that also, he never went for anyone. What’s wrong in that, he is your husband, and you’re his own property? He is trying to save your relationship. Please try to understand.

    If you love your dad to the core; do not disturb him for the rest of his life by giving such a great shock to him by filing a divorce with your husband. You have lived for 4.5 years with him. Parents won’t do bad for us. Try to rectify all your mistakes and come out with a clear decision which makes others happy, especially your dad.

    If you are thinking that all your desires have buried, let give life to others’ desires (I mean, your dad)!!!

  8. #8
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    Think clearly and calmly

    Hi Serendipity,

    You have to be strong and think calmly and clearly what you want. You married to please your parents. Sometimes parents make a wrong choice , they are also humans. It is not working out for you and your husband. You have two choices - stay in the marriage and hope that you both can somehow develop a better relationship with the help of counselling, or you can decide that the difference between what /how you want and your husband wants out of life is not the same.

    My personal opinion is that if you stay with your husband, you will end up feeling very bitter with him as well as your parents coz they were the ones who forced you into this marriage. It will be life long punishment for you. Get out while you have a chance to find another partner before its too late.

    Take care and stay strong.

  9. #9
    Thanks for all the replies. I am feeling so lost, i have practically gone into depression. I cannot concentrate on anything, can't eat, cant work..i think of taking my life all day. Plus i feel frustrated that nobody is trying to understand me. Everyone is blaming me for everything. If i am so wrong and i am not able to rectify it then it leaves me with no choice but to give up.. I am seeking counseling, even thinking of going to a psychiatrist.

    I am not a bad person and never meant this to happen..

  10. #10
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    Don't give up.

    Hey Serendipity,
    Don't give up so easily. Why do you want to give your life for a person who is trying to destroy your spirit. You are a modern, educated woman. Think of all the years you spent working hard to get an education and a job. Think of your family and friends who have been there for you. Do you want to give it all up just coz your marriage is not working?

    If you don't love your husband don't waste your time in the dead relationship. Take a break from him, be with yourself and then make a decision.

    Don't burden yourself with guilt just coz of what some people may say. They dont know your whole story and for them to blame you for everything is just childish.
    You don't have to take sh*t from anyone. Be bold and fight for your right to a happy life.

  11. #11
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    Thumbs up Well said.

    [QUOTE=NoreenS;258950]Hey Serendipity,
    Don't give up so easily. Why do you want to give your life for a person who is trying to destroy your spirit. You are a modern, educated woman. Think of all the years you spent working hard to get an education and a job. Think of your family and friends who have been there for you. Do you want to give it all up just coz your marriage is not working?

    If you don't love your husband don't waste your time in the dead relationship. Take a break from him, be with yourself and then make a decision.

    Don't burden yourself with guilt just coz of what some people may say. They dont know your whole story and for them to blame you for everything is just childish.
    You don't have to take sh*t from anyone. Be bold and fight for your right to a happy life.[/QUOTE]


    Hi Noreen,
    Nice post. I am sure Serendipity would appreciate your thoughts vey much.

  12. #12
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    Why the anger?

    [QUOTE=Cindrella123;258817]HI serendipity!
    I am totally with Sweta..
    Whatever she said is absolutely correct..

    You are in contact with your ex BF still even after 4.5 years of marriage?
    You are a modern girl.. You go to pubs, drink occasionally, want to live independently..
    Then why you dont have the courage of breaking your marriage?

    Poor husband, he is adjusting with you from last 4.5 years..
    You are punishing him only because he married you?
    Even if you have told him about your ex before marriage, he wud hav not proceeded further..
    You are such a modern and literate girl, then why your brain dint worked before marriage?

    And you know one thing.. Even though he is not satisfied with the physical relationship with you, he never went to some other girl.. How gentle he is! And you are still talking with your ex.

    He never beat u, never scolds you, never blames you for anything..
    You shud feel lucky to get a husband like this..
    Each and every indian girl like to have a husband like this..
    And you got such a wonderful husband, but you dont have the ability to maintain the relationship..

    Its up to you dear!
    I dont have anything to suggest you...
    Frankly speaking, I am literally angry on you...

    All the very best for your future..[/QUOTE]


    Hi Cinderella,

    I don't understand why you are so angry with Serendipity. She is in a fragile state and she can do without people trying to judge her.

    Also, you say "Each and every indian girl like to have a husband like this..
    And you got such a wonderful husband, but you dont have the ability to maintain the relationship.."
    I disagree with you here. I am an Indian girl and I certainly would not like to have a husband who forces himself on me. How you can call him wonderful and gentle is beyond my understanding.

  13. #13
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    Hi Serendipity

    Dont feel so disheartened. This is not the end of the world. By going for counselling you are taking the right step.talk to your friends and family and take their counsel as well. The turmoil you are facing now will not be there for ever. If you deal with it confidently, rationally and bravely it will end. But you have to have the faith in yourself that you are capable of riding it out.

    Your first priority is to get yourself fit mentally to tackle this issue. Tell yourself that you can overcome this and will try your hardest to find peace and happiness in your life because you owe it to yourself. There is no point in living a miserable life.

    Life is a gift to be enjoyed and to be thankful for.

  14. #14
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    Thumbs up

    First of all neither I am going to give any suggestion, nor I am going to interfere in your personal matters..
    Giving advice or suggestion is very easy but to listen to the advice is very difficult..

    I just want to tell you few things that I feel like sharing with you..

    I am a person who respect Indian Culture.. It is the oldest culture in the world.. I have observed many cases where some people doesnt respect our culture.. It is the duty of every Indian to safeguard our culture..
    Are Chinese people ready to give up their culture? Do Americans? Are Japanese ready to give up their culture? Sri Lankan? Pakisthanese? Africans????? The Answer is NO!!!

    We are almost got ready to give up our culture..

    I never said or wont say that girls have no rights to live according to their wish.. But it is the duty of a girl to adjust in a family for the well being of each and every person in the family.. She should be a pillar of the family.. She should make the family instead of breaking.. It is a saying that Girls are like mother earth.. Girls should not get angry unnecessarily, she should be pure and perfect.. Family should feel happy to have such a nice girl..

    Here I never said that the pillar of the family should never go out to work, or go for the party, or should always do this and that to the family members.. No.. She has her independence..

    I have seen many woman, who work in a very big company, has good reputation, good character, go for parties, bla bla bla.. Apart from these, she looks after her family in a very impressive way.. She does all possible things for her family's happiness..

    From this, I just want to highlight a single point i.e. Girl can be happy by doing whatever she wants without losing her character and reputation of the family and can make the family happy by doing whatever the family wants from her..
    She can do both the things i e being happy and making others happy.. It is the good character of an INDIAN GIRL..

    Are you an INDIAN GIRL?
    Last edited by priyesh2008; 08-08-2012 at 04:13 PM.

  15. #15
    [QUOTE=NoreenS;258950]Hey Serendipity,
    Don't give up so easily. Why do you want to give your life for a person who is trying to destroy your spirit. You are a modern, educated woman. Think of all the years you spent working hard to get an education and a job. Think of your family and friends who have been there for you. Do you want to give it all up just coz your marriage is not working?

    If you don't love your husband don't waste your time in the dead relationship. Take a break from him, be with yourself and then make a decision.

    Don't burden yourself with guilt just coz of what some people may say. They dont know your whole story and for them to blame you for everything is just childish.
    You don't have to take sh*t from anyone. Be bold and fight for your right to a happy life.[/QUOTE]

    Thanks a ton Noreen for not judging me. Your post made me feel a bit better about myself. I do need to take a break and be more confident. Taking all the blames all the time has made me doubt myself so much that nowadays I am unsure of everything I do. I started to believe whatever I do is wrong. I feel so lonely like I am screaming my lungs out in a crowd and nobody is listening to me..

    Thank you so much for your kind words. A few lines from you but made me feel better. God bless!!

  16. #16
    I am seeing two psychologists. One gave me an opinion to bring my husband for counseling. She also said that I cannot control anybody's like or death. So my father is not gonna live longer or die early coz of me. She says he is an adult and can take care of himself. She also says that even he has the choice as to how he wanna react to my step - he can either think that i betrayed or brought shame to the family OR he can also think that i want my daughter to be happy and if she is not happy in this marriage then she should have the right to make it better for her.

    Another one has suggested me some healing therapies as I am really disturbed right now. Writing here just to vent it out and share with someone. A third person perspective always helps and so i feel like sharing with you all.

    I still need to work on getting through the day. All people in office are realizing that something is wrong. I managed to pretend to be ok and happy all these years, but just not able to do it anymore. Also i researched about the easiest way to die (yes i shouldnt have done that). Working on that part.

    It would be great if you all continue to be there with me so i can share my feelings with you and you can help me get out of this state of mind.

  17. #17
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    Talking

    Hi Serendipity!
    What is this yaar? Why you are worrying this much? And what you are working on now?
    You got only one life to live.. And we are in this world to be happy dear.. You are the one who is so sad..
    Can I ask you only one thing? Can’t you change yourself for others happiness? If you see others are happy because of you, that will bring biggest happiness in you too.. Why u are not ready to understand this funda?
    We are all no blaming you.. Nor we are scolding you..
    Why you have posted your problem in this forum? To get some or the other solution, right?
    Then why you are not ready to accept the solution given by us?
    There is nothing to worry about dear..

    You know mother Teresa, right? She is the most happiest woman in this world.. You know why? She always helped others.. Helping others, bringing happiness in others life, in turn brings happiness in us..

    Try to apply this in your life.. Not for lifetime.. Just for a week..
    I am sure it will work.. If it don’t, then you can take your own decision..

    Consider me as your sister or well-wisher.. I won’t advice bad thing to my sister.. I always think about her betterment..

    It is just my suggestion.. Apply the following in your life for just a week.. You will find changes in you my dear..
    - Sit in front of the mirror.. Look at you closely.. Feel how you look.. See your eyes.. Wipe your tears if it comes..
    - Say “I want to live Happily”.. “Yes, I want to live Happily”..
    - Give a big smile.. Gain confidence.
    - Take a deep breath twice or thrice..
    - Make up your mind..
    - Say “I am ready to do anything for my Happiness”
    - Pray to God and ask him to give you strength to change yourself..
    - Now your first step is – Go to your Husband and give him a nice hug and a good smile..(You can see a smile and happiness in his face.. That will bring a change in you.. )
    - See, your husband hopes that you will come back to him soon.. Don’t disappoint him.. He has sacrificed all his happiness because of you.. I know he loves you a lot and he don’t want to hurt you.. At least do this for at least once..
    - Feel the happiness of your husband..

    Reply me, how you felt after doing this? I am sure you will feel better and happy too..
    I am eagerly waiting for your reply..
    Yours Loving well-wisher..

  18. #18
    New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Bhopal
    Posts
    8

    Hi Bhaargavi.

    [QUOTE=bhaargavi;259080]Hi Serendipity!
    What is this yaar? Why you are worrying this much? And what you are working on now?
    You got only one life to live.. And we are in this world to be happy dear.. You are the one who is so sad..
    Can I ask you only one thing? Can’t you change yourself for others happiness? If you see others are happy because of you, that will bring biggest happiness in you too.. Why u are not ready to understand this funda?
    We are all no blaming you.. Nor we are scolding you..
    Why you have posted your problem in this forum? To get some or the other solution, right?
    Then why you are not ready to accept the solution given by us?
    There is nothing to worry about dear..

    You know mother Teresa, right? She is the most happiest woman in this world.. You know why? She always helped others.. Helping others, bringing happiness in others life, in turn brings happiness in us..

    Try to apply this in your life.. Not for lifetime.. Just for a week..
    I am sure it will work.. If it don’t, then you can take your own decision..

    Consider me as your sister or well-wisher.. I won’t advice bad thing to my sister.. I always think about her betterment..

    It is just my suggestion.. Apply the following in your life for just a week.. You will find changes in you my dear..
    - Sit in front of the mirror.. Look at you closely.. Feel how you look.. See your eyes.. Wipe your tears if it comes..
    - Say “I want to live Happily”.. “Yes, I want to live Happily”..
    - Give a big smile.. Gain confidence.
    - Take a deep breath twice or thrice..
    - Make up your mind..
    - Say “I am ready to do anything for my Happiness”
    - Pray to God and ask him to give you strength to change yourself..
    - Now your first step is – Go to your Husband and give him a nice hug and a good smile..(You can see a smile and happiness in his face.. That will bring a change in you.. )
    - See, your husband hopes that you will come back to him soon.. Don’t disappoint him.. He has sacrificed all his happiness because of you.. I know he loves you a lot and he don’t want to hurt you.. At least do this for at least once..
    - Feel the happiness of your husband..

    Reply me, how you felt after doing this? I am sure you will feel better and happy too..
    I am eagerly waiting for your reply..
    Yours Loving well-wisher..[/QUOTE]
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hi Bhaargavi,

    We all are giving suggestions to Serendipity and it is up to her to decide what is right for her. We shouldn't force her. It's her life and she can decide when she weighs all the options which step is better for her.

    Another thing ,Mother Teressa is not alive now, she passed away 15 years ago. And she was not the happiest person on earth. In fact she was the most sad and unhappy person.
    she saw all the suffering and problems of so many people which made her very sad and unhappy and how people were so selfish to abandon the sick and needy. These things usually make a person sad and unhappy at the selfishness of others.

    Finally, I don't understand what makes you believe Serendipity's husband has sacrificed everything for her and how do you know that he loves her a lot?

    Awaiting your reply. Thanks.

  19. #19
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Nagpur
    Posts
    12

    What About Ideal Man?

    [QUOTE=priyesh2008;259015]First of all neither I am going to give any suggestion, nor I am going to interfere in your personal matters..
    Giving advice or suggestion is very easy but to listen to the advice is very difficult..

    I just want to tell you few things that I feel like sharing with you..

    I am a person who respect Indian Culture.. It is the oldest culture in the world.. I have observed many cases where some people doesnt respect our culture.. It is the duty of every Indian to safeguard our culture..
    Are Chinese people ready to give up their culture? Do Americans? Are Japanese ready to give up their culture? Sri Lankan? Pakisthanese? Africans????? The Answer is NO!!!

    We are almost got ready to give up our culture..

    I never said or wont say that girls have no rights to live according to their wish.. But it is the duty of a girl to adjust in a family for the well being of each and every person in the family.. She should be a pillar of the family.. She should make the family instead of breaking.. It is a saying that Girls are like mother earth.. Girls should not get angry unnecessarily, she should be pure and perfect.. Family should feel happy to have such a nice girl..

    Here I never said that the pillar of the family should never go out to work, or go for the party, or should always do this and that to the family members.. No.. She has her independence..

    I have seen many woman, who work in a very big company, has good reputation, good character, go for parties, bla bla bla.. Apart from these, she looks after her family in a very impressive way.. She does all possible things for her family's happiness..

    From this, I just want to highlight a single point i.e. Girl can be happy by doing whatever she wants without losing her character and reputation of the family and can make the family happy by doing whatever the family wants from her..
    She can do both the things i e being happy and making others happy.. It is the good character of an INDIAN GIRL..

    Are you an INDIAN GIRL?[/QUOTE]


    Hey Priyesh2008,

    Thanks for writing what an ideal Indian girl should be. Could you please write another post about what an Ideal Indian MAn is. I am assuming that you are an ideal man and it should be easy for you describe what an ideal INdian man is.

    Waiting for your early reply.
    Thanks.

  20. #20
    Thanks for asking that question Sandhya. I bet he will say an Indian guy is the one who thinks he rules the world, the wife should act like a robot and do everything he says and expects. Feeding him, and keeping him mentally and physically happy is her duty. She should work, cook, take care of the family while the man sits on a forum and gives a lecture about Indian girl. This is a male chauvinist country and all the rules and duty list for girls are made by men. They hardly care about the sacrifices a girl makes, hardly care about what she wants..I can bet my life he will or doesn't help mom or any woman in his life in the kitchen, or gives a hand in the household chores..but sits and tells how an Indian girl should be.
    And this is all woman's fault. Coz they give birth to a boy child and thinks they got a blank cheque that they can redeem at the time of marriage in the form of dowry which again is the girl's parent's DUTY. I bet if we remove their testicles thr will hardly be any proof that they are even man. Coz actions are no ways close to being a man.

    PS: This applies to most of them, but exceptions are always their. And a guy who gives a lecture about how an Indian girl should be can never be an exception. So preeyesh, don't bother giving me any advice coz i would rather commit suicide than take an advice from a chauvinist guy like you.



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