Thread: Please help me, please!!!
I am very glad to be apart of this conversation. I really don't understand why girls should always sacrifice for men. Firstly when you loved a guy before marriage, just for the reason he was not earning your dad broke up your relationship and forced you to get marry another person. It sounds so stupid because he might not be earning at the present but in the future he must and he will. Later you agreed for the marriage which is a biggest mistake and also you have been through your marriage life for 4.5 years which sounds painful.
I would just like to say one thing. Please don't bother for anyone. It's our life and we are supposed to live happy until we die. We can't be forced for what we do not like. Serendipity please go ahead of your decision get rid of your husband and convince your father telling that its your life which is been spoil t not his reputation.
Being parents they have to look for your happiness rather than their reputation. Please don't take weird decisions, take best and lead a happy life dear.
My best wishes to you!
This girl is just like my wife .. I thought that I am reading my case from my wife's side .. My wife is also a career oriented woman and i caught her previous affair just after 15 days of our married life .. She wanted me to leave my parents ( they were living in my Hometown 100KMs away from Pune ) and come to Mumbai from Pune and start taking care of her parents ( living around 700 KMs away from Mumbai ) .. Let her work and should not bother about her contribution in running a happy family life .. She didn't want a child just for the sake of her career and job ( I am 33 year old and she is 29 and we have been married since June 2011 but she stayed with me just for 6 months from that day onwards otherwise she was always running back to her parents for a month or month and half or they used to visit us and stay with us for a week or 15 days . Besides that in all these 6 months , she used to be constantly on phone talking to her relatives , parents , her friends ) ..
When I strongly refused her proposal of aborting the child in May , she created a scene and her father took her away using sweet words .. and once she went to her father's place , her father started talking about divorce which is just a formality now .. She aborted the child , her dad took away all the household items presented by them during marriage .. And she went back to her previous job .. Her father threatened me and my dad for lives when we went to her place for negotiations and thrown us out .
I have had sent a lawyer notice asking her to return back but I received a lawyer notice asking a divorce .. I kept quiet for a month and half which frusterated them and they filed for divorce on 29th Sept and I attended court on 3rd Nov .. but for my surprise none my FIL, mediator , wife or her lawyer attended the court on that day .. We took a new date on 1st Dec 2012 .. Lets see what happens ..
You can read more about my case in this blog http://hellormarriedlife.blogspot.in ..
Regarding this girl's case , I am very sorry for her husband .. These are the so called modern woman who wants to live their life on their terms and conditions .. But they are forgeting the basic fact that once they pass their prime youth , no guy is going to spit on their face and neither no friend , relative , brother ,sister or parents going to support them in future .. which must force them to live a lonely bored life ..
Besides that girls like your type should not forget the basic fact about married life ... and i.e.
You are totally dedicated or commited to someone when you are in love because you are not demanding anything from your partner while in love , but once you get married with that partner or to some stranger , then problems start arising as Married life is based on Practical Life and there is a money matter involved in .. So then problems start creeping up .. It is upto both husband and wife to understand the sanity and commitments towards the relationship and keep aside their egos to have a stable married life .. If one of them can not follow this basic rule then whatever may other person try his level best , that relationship is bound to break it some point of time
This is my personal experience FYI
I can feel the love what you have for your dad. Your dad must be lucky to have you in his life. Youíre brought up in a cultured way; this only made you to stay with him for 4.5 years. Try to disclose all your problems to your parents.
Come out from this torturous life. Better file for a divorce. Do not lose your hope and courage. Being a woman, you have to face the life. Think about your career apart from your marital life.
If it does not work for you, don't drag it
I think you and your husband and not able to live with each other and this is a frustrating situation for both of you. There are things that your husband has done and I am sure there are things that you have done as well.
Probably you two should try and live in two different places for some time. This time apart should give you enough time to think about how you want your future to look like. Does it have to be with your husband or you are happier without him.
I would say more then working out the marriage or making sacrifices, think about your right to happiness. Do whatever will keep you happy.
[QUOTE=Serendipity;259351]Thanks for asking that question Sandhya. I bet he will say an Indian guy is the one who thinks he rules the world, the wife should act like a robot and do everything he says and expects. Feeding him, and keeping him mentally and physically happy is her duty. She should work, cook, take care of the family while the man sits on a forum and gives a lecture about Indian girl. This is a male chauvinist country and all the rules and duty list for girls are made by men. They hardly care about the sacrifices a girl makes, hardly care about what she wants..I can bet my life he will or doesn't help mom or any woman in his life in the kitchen, or gives a hand in the household chores..but sits and tells how an Indian girl should be.
And this is all woman's fault. Coz they give birth to a boy child and thinks they got a blank cheque that they can redeem at the time of marriage in the form of dowry which again is the girl's parent's DUTY. I bet if we remove their testicles thr will hardly be any proof that they are even man. Coz actions are no ways close to being a man.
PS: This applies to most of them, but exceptions are always their. And a guy who gives a lecture about how an Indian girl should be can never be an exception. So preeyesh, don't bother giving me any advice coz i would rather commit suicide than take an advice from a chauvinist guy like you.[/QUOTE]
Living in an incompatible relationship for 4.5 years is such a painful thing. You have sacrificed the most beautiful part of your life. Itís clearly visible that, you have done this only for your dad. Parents always wish for the welfare of their children. If they come to know all the tortures which youíre faced so far in your marital life, they will surely say you to end up this relationship. Itís better to reveal all the truth to them. They are the only persons in this world to bring you out from this incompatible relationship.
Quite torturing yourself
You know what? forget all this sh*t and go do things that makes you happy. You only live once so don't waste your time in a marriage where you don't feel connected to your partner. I do feel like your husband is a good man, but that doesn't justify the fact that he's good for you. I feel like you are much more assimilate to the western culture and the conservative doesn't fit you too well and all you would do is restraint. You need to step out of this roller coaster and go do something that makes you happy because your parent are not going to be there your whole life. So my advice is for you to go grab a drink and don't give a damn about what people have to say then go talk to your husband and tell him what you want. You have to face him sooner or later so might as well bring the problem up now.
*Please disregard the typo on the title* haha