Thread: Should i take divorce, pls. suggest
Should i take divorce, pls. suggest
I have been married for the last 10 months and my husband is totally mamas boy, and most of the time my mother in law is very sweet with me and once I am not in front of her she starts complaining about me from her son , When our maid does not come then In front of her son she will pretend and will tell me to give my clothes to wash so that she can get sympathy from my husband and always she keeps on telling my husband not to spend money on me as, as per her if daughther in law is working it is her responsibility to bear her own expenses and she even told openly in the m/o Feb,12 from my parents that if I want to live in their home then I need to pay 7000/-(for dal , sabji etc.) rs out of my rs. 30000/- salary to them Per month second option was I need to leave my job and third was I should live at my parents place , at that moment I felt so bad but for the sake of my marriage my parents got agree for payment of 7k per month as they did not want to destroy my married life but from that day I was totally feeling like a tenant in their home who had to pay money to live in the own house and I have no love for my husband too as he did not support me while his mother was keeping this point in front of my parents and I am even assuring my husband from the start of our married life that I will purchase property in my husband and my name jointly and will pay the emi amount too from my salary but I wanted only to bear household expenses by him as I have also some expectation from my husband that he can fulfill his responsibilities towards his wife too and I am ready to pay emi also if anytime he purchases any property.
And my husband had feeling of responsibility at the initial stage that I am his wife so he should incur my expenses means only household expenses not my personal expenses but now my MIL has also changed his mentality that I am working so I will bear my expenses own and will give them my share of money. While I was paying money on the condition then I accept that in our day to fight I told my husband that his parents are greedy due to their conditions only then my in laws separated my kitchen in the same house but after separating kitchen only my husbandís behavior got totally changed and next time again my mil called up my parents and her all relatives and in the influence of my mil my husband put the condition to open joint account where i and my husband will put our salary and can not withdraw money without joint signature I was ok with it that time but then the next day when his condition of joint account fulfilled then he told me to joint kitchen but I denied as in the meeting his mother openly told that she will not take even a glass of water from my hand then I reminded my husband that his mother needs to call up her relative again to make joint kitchen again And in the influence of my mother in law my husband beated me up 3-4 times after separating kitchen although now I was transferring my salary to joint account now i am living with my parents for the last 4 months , my mil is very greedy and my husband does whatever she tells him ,she makes her conditions according to her wish and now husband called up to come back to his home but i need to give him money too as i am working and has to do household work too but he will not help at all as he is the man but when it comes to money then he does not remember his responsibility , my mil wants me to incur household expenses as well as household work too.
It seems that i do not have any worth in their home , husband is neither interested to take financial responsibility nor household work responsibility , pls. advice what should i do as i am living at my parents place since may,12 , even my mil has called up my relatives while i was living with my husband 2-3 times just to decide who will take financial responsibility of household expenses , she is a greedy women who always think about money and even my husband was supporting her while she called up my relatives,
In these 4 months my husband called up 4-5 times and when he last called up in mid july that time he told me that his parents does not want us to remain at their home and we need to take rental accommodation and he will be ready to live with me separately but after august,12 and i also need to contribute in household expenses ,his father had in his mind that if i put dowry case then it may affect him financially as father in law was about to retire from govt. of india in the m/o august,12 and if a girl put dowry case then it may affect father in laws retirement and pension benefits too (i understand this is not 100% true but telling you my fil mentality).And i also wanted to see their true colors after retirement that they actually want to take me at their home without condition or not i even did not say that i need separate accommodation, but after his father retirement when i called up my husband he changed his earlier words now he says if i want to live with his parents then i need to give respect to his parents and i should do household work and need to give money to them too otherwise next option is that he will take rental home near by his parents area and i need to contribute money also and when i asked him till what time we will be living separately then he told until i conceive and if i am interested to opt for any of the condition then i need to send my father and mother to his home then my parents will discuss the matter with my in laws and then only my husband will come to take me back at his home. He was putting all the conditions which were in his favor. And let me inform you that i have called up 4 times to my husband since may,12, Husband keeps on changing his words according to his mothers wish .
but now my parents have tired of their greediness and they want me to take divorce as they find no future and financial security with this guy ,pls. suggest i am very confused whether i should give divorce or not
I have seen all your posts regarding the issues that you had with your husband and in laws. I tried convincing you in the previous post but your facing the problem from 1 year. The main person is your husband who should be as your better half to share your feelings, love and problems, but he is not fit to be a human being. I pity for you.
Lastly i would like to advise you that try talking all the problems once with your husband in personal and get the problems sorted out. If he is still his mother's son then you have to go for divorce which is a right option. Your just wasting your precious life spending time with such dis heartened people around you.
I guess its almost a year you being married to him. Please consult an experienced lawyer and explain him all the issues happened in your life and he will advise and give you the right decision. Go on with your life.
All the very best!
I called up my husband on 3rd sep,12 he showed as if i only need to save my marriage he told that everything is in my hand and put all his conditions and even told me that i need to send my parents to his home first then i am sure his parents will talk to my parents and then only he will come to take me to his home.
I have to do all the efforts, I need to send my parents at his home as he will not directly speak to my parents ,then i am sure his parents will put conditions and then only he will decide,
Now i have made my mind that i can not leave with this guy as after 4 months still he is putting conditions, life with him will be full of conditions and compromise.
Firstly, i totally understand that you are a victim in this situation. But, the following are my thoughts and suggestions.
1. It was your fault to have started giving 7k as cash. you should not have. buy vegetable and dal yourself if need be. bring the MIL all she wants but should not have paid rent. should have said 'NO' whan she asked.
2. Does your husband have a pair of balls or no. If you ever file for a divorce tell the court he is impotent.!
3. I suggest you get a house on rent. As long you as you are staying in your parents house' they will decide terms. you go ahead and get your own place. rent of buy. dont make that chicken husband joint owner. wait for the dust to settle. in a years time you will have clarity. either he will be staying in your house or you will find a better person who loves you.