I am getting confused i have to revert to my parents by 22nd Sep if i want to live with my husband or want divorce....I am totally confused ..What to do
I am getting confused i have to revert to my parents by 22nd Sep if i want to live with my husband or want divorce....I am totally confused ..What to do
Who has given you this deadline? your parents? I guess you need to buy more time....talk your parents and let them know the trauma you're going through. Tell them that you need their support during this time of crisis...since you have your sisters too, ask them to be by your side and help you in talking and convincing your parents. If nothing works, then I guess the only option to manage the crisis at this moment is to go back to your husband and then talk to him face to face. However, since it's almost certain that your hubby wants you back in order to save money, and if you feel that you cannot continue with the relationship anymore, then talk to a good divorce lawyer and seek legal help (but you might need to do it while staying with him, in case your parents don't want you to stay with them if you decide to go back momentarily).
What you need to make both your parents and your husband understand is - it's the matter of your life and you need to think and take a decission....you're already in trauma and they should not make things worse for you by imposing deadlines. You've rights to think over it and then take a decission.
I'd give you a tip - think about the worst possible outcome of all the decissions you take. Make up your mind about how to deal with life in case the worst scenario comes true, and figure out how and what you'll change to cope with the changed situation. I think once you figure that out, deciding will be easier for you.
Keep us posted in case you need further help.
And yes, wishes for a happy birthday in advance.
I got 7-8 missed calls at around 12 yesterday night from my husband's end but my mobile was in silent so could not pick up call.although i did not tried his no ..Now waiting for today night if he wishes me or not as i am getting his calls suddenly after 4 months that is why i need some time....
I recommend you to not take any worst decisions like legal divorce or temporary separation; this is not good in either of the way… though if you get separated the major causes will be intended for your unmarried siblings and your parents.
Your issues can be solved smoothly with your patience. Instead you giving back answer & quarrelling; try to make your hubby understand the difficulty you face every day, the words you use shud be soothing and heart touching. There is nothing wrong in bowing our heard once in a while….
So I request you again to not obtain/provide divorce!!!
I got 7-8 missed calls at around 12 yesterday night from my husband's end but my mobile was in silent so could not pick up call.although i did not tried his no ..Now waiting for today night if he wishes me or not as i am getting his calls suddenly after 4 months that is why i need some time....[/QUOTE]
Reflects his desperation. If he calls you today, talk to him in detail and discuss your issues. I know it's tough for you to take a decission at this moment, but you can atleast try to figure out the changes that prompted him to behave like this all of a sudden. What is doing is a chidish outburst, and that needs to be addressed on priority. Actually, being outsiders, we can only suggest, but to gey into your shoes and assessing the entire situation from your perspective is not possible. However, you need to talk your heart out regarding the entire scenario and assess the problem diligently. We often tend to get confused between what we need and what we want....make sure you base your decission on your needs and not your momentary desires.
Thanks for your revert santro.gr and CH,
I Hope he does not change his words and voice tone in his or my another call as he has been changing his words even in his last call he got really angry when i told him i need some more time to think and even told me if i want divorce then he will send papers but i did not say anything and next moment he told that he will take poison if i do not come to him by 21st sep,12 every time once he talks to me then next moment he takes advice from his mother and his words gets changed in next call ......
I also hope from my heart that pls. god change his mama's boy attitude and specially his mother's attitude as until his mother will change i find no chances of my husbands change...My heart is really breaking since morning ...........
Hope, you’ve got lots of suggestions. It’s the right time to decide. And whatever the problem may be, share it here to get right solution as everyone’s point of view differs from others.
Reema: I think the last 2 posts of yours were more of sharing your restlessness and grief rather than seeking advise. Since you know your hubby better than us, you should know the things that may change him. On this note, I'd agree with shabhana_bgm, that you need to take the final call as you're the best judge of your requirements.
My husband did not call me on my birthday although he send SMS on my cell at around 5 pm and messaged me at my Facebook too, but i did not revert back on that day ie 22nd sep,12 but i have tried his no. today 4 times from my cell but he is not picking up now although i have tried his no. from other mobile no. also but no revert from his end.....what should i do ? although i have not told at my home that i am calling him up.
My husband did not call me on my birthday although he send SMS on my cell at around 5 pm and messaged me at my Facebook too, but i did not revert back on that day ie 22nd sep,12 but i have tried his no. today 4 times from my cell but he is not picking up now although i have tried his no. from other mobile no. also but no revert from his end.....what should i do ? although i have not told at my home that i am calling him up.[/QUOTE]
First you need to figure out if he is alright. You may call someone who would probably be able to give you this information. If he is okay, then I don't see any reason of calling him anymore. But the most important thing that you should do is - make up your mind. There's no point in palying this hide and seek. I will maintain what I have said before...you need to talk to him face to face and see if you can sort it out. You seem to be highly confused at this moment, and don't know what to decide. Sit down and make list of the positives and negatives of both keeping the relationship and ending it, and decide accordingly. You can't force him to call you if he doesn't answer. Just sit silent at this moment, and the moment he calls up, ask him to meet you in person and discuss the issues.
You are totally pissed.. My advice is dont take decision when you are in pissed off, rather cool your self and think what can be good for your future. Beacuse you have to face the consequences happens with you in your whole life. We can suggest you even your parents can suggest you but you have to take a final call.. How long you have been married? Do you have any kids? what is the main reason for divorce? Is he having any affair? Please reply...
Thanks for your revert CH ,
I had tried my husband's no. yesterday 10 times from my own no and from unknown no. too , but he did not pick up call may be he was angry as i did not picked up his call when he called up me on 19th Sep at 12 night but when i told one of my cousin sister to call up from her cell then she told that he picked up her call...He is behaving like only i am at fault , as in his last call also he told me that he only wants his parents to be happy....and other time he says he hates my parents ......I will try his no. tomorrow if still he does not pick my call then i do not want to waste my time in this type of person who does not think from his head .....i am already tired from last 4.5 months and i wanted to give this guy a last chance but here also he is taking advantage of my love ..... i am totally 100% emotional fool ...When my husband wants then he calls up when he does not want then he does not pick my call...when his parents put condition then he supports them and in influence of his parents he insults me and my relative in front of all his relatives, when it comes to his parents then he has responsibility of his brother who is mentally disturbed , his mother who always wants to dominate me and his father is always in support of his wife , my mother in law did not have her mother since her childhood, her father brought her up very lovingly and also neither she had mother in law or sister in law..or daughter....she is a dominating lady who even gets annoyed if me and my husband sit together for long....I feel no one should get marry...i was so happy when i was single...
I think your emotional outburst is completely justified. It was important that you took a firm decission and now that you've taken it, just stick to it, no matter what happens. It seems your husband was making a mockery of your marriage and your emotions. The situation was like - either he changes or you seperate, and since you feel that he is not a person who's gonna change, it's better that you change your lifestyle. It's high time that you use your brains over your heart to decide your course of future. I would however beg to differ with the last point of yours...me too, just like you, often feel that I should not have married and that I was better off as a single, however, what drives me is the fact that inspite of all the filth it has, the world is still beautiful with lots of wonderful people around. I don't know what future has in store for you, but I wish you that in case you seperate, you find someone in your life, who makes you forget all the trauma you're going thru, and helps you realize the essence and beauty of life.
There’s a limit for everything. Let you put a full stop for your marriage life. File for a divorce under mutual consent, if your husband also agrees. It’s impossible to expect a change from these kinds of persons. There’s no fault from your side. Whatever the decision may be, decide it now itself!!!
I am in a confusion, As my Dadaji (My Papa's tauji) is in court so he personally introduced us with a judge for personal opinion only but after hearing my story judge told that i should give my husband one chance at least, for 1 or 2 months and still i find no change then i should go for mutual divorce rather than applying for domestic violence as he told that if i contact any advocate then he will suggest me to put domestic violence case and it will my time and money too, although when i told my husband about court case then he got ready to take me at his home but i am doubtful in his intentions if he is genuine or not, so i gave my husband 2nd oct time if he is interested then he could take me back to his home but in the condition if he is ready to sign stamp paper that in future he will not beat me but he did not ready although he was interested to take me back to his home.....
I have my husband's facebook account password , although he does not know about it , and i have checked his conversation with a girl too he has exchanged his mob.no with her....now situation is so bad that i am totally confused...judge has told me to give one more chance to this guy ......and he is chatting with another girl.....in these 5 months , he did not chat with any unknown girl but now suddenly he has started chatting........
Me and my parents visited Tis Hazari court to meet judge personally, atmosphere was so bad........every day we have different thought in our mind we went to meet judge after setting my mindset to give him divorce but judge gave another option he told 1st option is i need to give chance to my husband second option if i want to give divorce then i should go for mutual divorce and third if my hsuaband does not agree then i should apply for litigation like domestic violence etc case but it may take time ......
The judge has basically echoed what we have been saying all these days, isn't it? Now, the important point is - what was the nature of discussion between your hubby and the girl...if was merely an exchange of numbers, and normal decent chat, then you can't build a case against him, however, if the chat was not entirely clean, then obviously, you got a point against him. Another thing is - I doubt if there's any legal strength of a signed document which states that your hubby won't beat you up in furure, as your husband he is not supposed to do it irrespective of whether or not he signs such a paper. And even if he assaults you physically without signing any such paper, you have the right to seek legal protection. However, is that the only problem that you had? I guess not...you had a problem with his entire attitude plus your troubling in-laws, right? How do you get rid of that? I am sure no legal paer in this world can assure that the attitude of a person will change once he/ she signs that.
As I had said earlier, it depends on you whether you want to give him a chance or not..and I guess you still haven't talked to him face to face, so the root of the problem remains. The ball is in your court now...and this time you'll have to use either your brain or your heart to decide. And the only person who can tell what you should do is YOU.
I think second marriages are having very much success rate compared to first marriage. As people are spending lot of time for analyzing the option of second marriage. During second marriage both parties are well understood their requirements and expectations very efficiently. As their first marriage given bad experience, now they are very choosing the partner with very specific (practical) requirements, in-order to avoid another bad experience.
Thanks for your revert CH,
I told to meet my husband but he denied as he thought i need him , although on sunday suddenly when i told him that i am applying for divorce he send me SMS...stating Jaan & all ...even sometimes i laugh at his SMS ....suddenly he is using these kind of romantic words and love.... But when i told him that he needs to give me written statement then he refused and i opened his FB account he is chatting with a girl who has porn photographs and exchanged her his no. also and he is so stupid that he has still put our marriage photograph in his profile pic , although that cheap/fake account girl asked him if he is married but he did not revert her back...................
[QUOTE=reema_1;265677]Thanks for your revert CH,
I told to meet my husband but he denied as he thought i need him , although on sunday suddenly when i told him that i am applying for divorce he send me SMS...stating Jaan & all ...even sometimes i laugh at his SMS ....suddenly he is using these kind of romantic words and love.... But when i told him that he needs to give me written statement then he refused and i opened his FB account he is chatting with a girl who has porn photographs and exchanged her his no. also and he is so stupid that he has still put our marriage photograph in his profile pic , although that cheap/fake account girl asked him if he is married but he did not revert her back...................[/QUOTE]
You have strong case for filing for divorce now. The only reason he is wanting to get you back is to save himself from a social backlash, and I am pretty sure, he doesn't have any love left for you. If you're still willing to accept him, I won't ask you not to go ahead, however, if you feel you've run out of patience, stick to your stand of getting a divorce.
All the best.
I read my husband's chat history yesterday , he chatted with the girl and was asking for her cell no. although that girl tried to ask him if he is married then he reverted yes but has some issues with me , then that girl asked him if he loves his wife then he reverted yes and told her that he is in depression and wants to talk to the girl over phone to explain his issue........Although he was continuesly asking for that girl's mob.no...
And you know what now i have come to know that my cousin brother is chatting with my husband by fake id ,,,he disclosed me when i told my cousin about this ......my cousin wanted to know what is in my husband's mind...
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