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Thread: What is success rate of 2nd marriage in Delhi

  1. #1
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    What is success rate of 2nd marriage in Delhi

    Dear Friends,

    Can any one let me know what is success rate of 2nd marriage in delhi .........Or we should compromise in our 1st marriage only.



  2. #2
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    Reema...although I don't know about the stats you're asking about, Im sure there are many second marriages which are successful and a few that are not. Wheteher the second marriage is successful is not always dicated by statistics, but more by how comfortable the 2 persons are with each other. However, having said that, if you feel that you're not happy in your marriage and suffocating, first try to fix your problem. Leave no stones unturned...if you suceed it's wonderful, however, if you don't and things don't change change, don't suffocate throughout your life. In a marriage both the husband and the wife are supposed to make adjustments (and even compromises), however, if it becomes a monotonous affair of one party making all the adjustment and the other is making merry and taking advantage, the marriage becomes a joke. Step out before it becomes a joke!
    Last edited by confusedhusband; 09-14-2012 at 07:22 PM.

  3. #3
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    Thanks for your revert

    Dear Confused Husband ,

    Thanks for your revert…but if the relationship is based on money then can it last for long time.
    I called up my husband then he told that he does not want divorce and if I too want to live with him then my parents need to visit his parents home and then they will have conversation with my in laws then only my husband will come to take me from my parents home..And over phone he put his conditions too that I need to do household work , I should give money to my in laws as they are like my parents and I have to give respect to his parents also….Husband says he loves me but does not want to make any effort from his end.

    What kind of marriage is this where all efforts I need to make to save my marriage as , as per my in laws if I give them divorce then only I will suffer as I have two un married sisters also although they both are well educated and working in a good position, how can I change their mentality that it will not effect my sisters life as they have their own luck and ability …..

  4. #4
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    reply

    I think you must try to carry on your first marriage. And marriage success always depends on you neither on the society.

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    Talking

    Hello Reema,

    I would support sanjana as she has given a good advice about your first marriage. Me3intaining a relationship with husband is very important than their families and your family. Please talk to your husband and get things settled without getting criticized or mocked by them.

    This will really work out and then make your parents to get together for better conversation which ends up in a good decision.

    Good Luck!

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    Dear Sanjana/Girpanday,

    When i talked to my hubby to resolve the issue then he told me that my parents needs to visit his parents home and then they will have conversation with my parents and then only my husband will come to take me back to his home, pls. tell me he always wants to involve his parents in our marriage he does not have any gut to solve or speak to me.

    He wants me to do all efforts by my end.

  7. #7
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    Hi Reema,

    From a few previous posts by you, and counting this one, I think your major issue is with your in-laws and your husband blindly supporting them. Although I don't know about the details of your conflict with your in-laws, as a wife, you have rights to get support from your husband, unless you're completely wrong and they are completely right (additionally, I don't know if you tried to patch up the conflicts).

    My take on this would be (assuming that you tried your best to manage the conflicts and your husband, no matter what you do, will continue to remain a mama's boy) - if he is putting 'conditions' for you to return back, you should put forth your conditions as well. If he wants you to respect your in-laws, you deserve the same respect from their side as well. I'll maintain what I have said before, don't let your marriage become a joke by being the only person who is doing all the compromises. That might have a momentary benefit in saving your marriage, however, you'll be the one who'll suffer on a longer run. I understand your concern of having 2 un-married sisters, however, since they are both well educated and work in responsible positions, I don't think getting a suitable groom for them will be a problem, irrespective of whether or not you divorce. I, like a few other posters, am no way saying that you MUST continue your marriage no matter what happens. I am just trying to suggest that that you should give importance to your self-respect and not let anyone dictate terms on you. In all marriages, adjustments are required to be made, however, the adjustments should be made by botht eh husband and the wife, not the husband or the wife alone. If your husband really loves you, then he will understand the importance of respcting your feelings, and accept you. My final word at this point would be - if you feel you're honest to yourself and don't have faults, stay by your decission and live life on your own terms. And yes, don't be the only one making all the adjustments and end up being suffocated. Since he has married you, your hubby needs to make some adjustmenst too.
    All the best.

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    Thanks for your advice confused husband,

    I think i am being emotional by thinking only about love and moments which me and my husband both spend together but when i think from my brain then i see no security with my husband...although i know that i still have feelings for my husband in spite of his beatings and torture , but may be we had that small time in our destiny and we both not only spent bad but good time too together but may be bad was a little bit more....

    I do not know about my future but will have to take risk in my life rest leaving on god...

  9. #9
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    [QUOTE=reema_1;263666]Thanks for your advice confused husband,

    I think i am being emotional by thinking only about love and moments which me and my husband both spend together but when i think from my brain then i see no security with my husband...although i know that i still have feelings for my husband in spite of his beatings and torture , but may be we had that small time in our destiny and we both not only spent bad but good time too together but may be bad was a little bit more....

    I do not know about my future but will have to take risk in my life rest leaving on god...[/QUOTE]

    These are exactly the thoughts and feelings I have every single moment of my life....I think our stories are kinda indentical, the only exception being my case was a little more rare, as being a male, I was on the receiving end of physical and mental abuse. I understand your pain as I go thru the same pain every moment. However, since I know that if I leave my wife (she has done grave enough deeds to warrant a divorce initiated by me), her future will be in a soup, I guess I won't probably be able to do that ever. This adds on to my suffocation, however, I guess it's better to live with it rather than leaving her and live with a continuous repent thruout my life. Hence, I advise everyone, to try and patch up first, if it works fine, else if both the parties are willing to seperate, then seperating is the best option.

    All the best in to you...I hope things change for the better.

  10. #10
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    As CH said,

    Give a final try. I am also suggesting this not for the sake of your wedding life, but for the unmarried sisters of you who are eagerly waiting for their wedding. If it doesn’t works, apply for divorce through mutual consent. Give the childlike husband, (who always involves his parents into the marriage life) to their parents. They are the one and only reason for the break-up of their son’s life.

  11. #11
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    Yes Shabana,

    They are taking advantage of their son for being too much dedicated towards his parents., My Father in law and Mother in law both have good bonding but where is my hubby who always think about his parents...and destroying his own married life...

  12. #12
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    Hey Reema,

    Already, you have waited patiently for a long time. Maintain your patience for few days or months. See whether it works or not. If not, file a petition under the Hindu Marriage Act.

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    Reema,

    A small thought from my side (hope I am not bombarding you with suggestions!!) - please consider this as apersonal opinion based out of my own experience, and it is not necessary that it is a general rule or that it is bound to apply to you too.

    You know what? since we all have dreams before getting married (and those dreams are often long term colorful dreams which we create based only on the positive qualities of our partners), the moment the dreams start getting shattered, we tend to lose passion for our partners. The positives that we once thought would make our lives ideal or perfect cease to exist and the numerous negatives take their place. In this scenario, we often tend to lose passion for the other person. The strong emotional attachment wanes off, and what remains is a feeling of emptyness within, which we try to fill with fake optimism. This feeling of emptyness too, is not an easy thing to bear 24x7. It's not easy to know that you don't have the same feeling for the person you loved so much once, and the only reason you're staying in the relationship is due to external factors (pressure from society, family etc). I don't know if you have the same feeling within you right now...in case you have, you might need to do some self-counselling along with the effort of patching up.

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    Dear Shabana and Confused husband,

    Thanks for spending time on my issue...

    Yesterday my in laws send (although that person did not accept that my in laws has send him) a third person in our area known person's home as that 3 rd person works with the person who lives in our colony and called up my father just for normal conversation, and in the conversation my father disclose that we are going to file for divorce on 23rd sep

    And today in the afternoon i got a call from my husband in my office landline, now i am in a confusion if husband has called up after hearing divorce fear.this time he wanted me to take his home and told that i need to give respect to his parents but i will myself come to his home , he will not come to my parents place as he hates them , and told me to revert that moment only whether i am ready to come to his home on sunday or not then i told him without contacting and consulting my parents that yes i am ready and he accepted that he will be picking me from his colony's gate but now when i talked to my parents then they got angry that how can i go to my husband's place when i do not have security as last time he beated me and my parents and me are sure that third person might have told him about divorce that is why after contacting his parents he called me up just to save alimony money as i know they are money minded persons, and my parents has also told me that if in future he again beats me then they will not come to save me as i want to go to my husband's home at my own risk as husband is not ready to come to my home......

    Although i also think that he has contacted me after discussed with his parents when he heard about divorce from third person , if he wanted me to take me at his place then why he contacted after 4 month why he did not come before , and what is the guarantee that he will not beat/mentally torture me in future and will not come into his mother's influence........

    My Parents have openly told me if i want to go there then it is solely on my own risk and i am also not sure if he is genuine from his heart or not or just pretending to be genuine due to divorce fear...Although my family members wants divorce from this person but my father is confused ........

    Pls. help.....

  15. #15
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    Dear Friends,

    I need your help urgently ,,My husband called up today morning again , and told that if i do not come to his home by 21st Sep as my b'dy is on 22nd sep and will take poison....wo zahar kha lega...i am very surprised suddenly what happened to him , I told him but i told him until he comes at my home and speak to my parents then i can not go to his home and i am not sure whether he has changed or not or showing this kind of behavior suddenly after 4 months.....due to fear of divorce

    Pls. suggest

  16. #16
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    Hi Reema,

    Something has definitely changed and that is what's causing your hubby to behave like this. The cause can well be the news (via the third person) that you're thinking about divorce. I am not too sure if his lost love for you has returned back on hearing this and is desperate to get you back in your life....had that been the case, he'd have made efforts from his side to make things work. Pleading you to return back and putting a condition at the same time (that he won't go to your parent's place) doesn't gel well together. What's most disturbing is - on one hand he is asking you to respect his parents (I completely understand his position), but at the same time he is also telling that he hates your parents? If he wants you to respect his parents, can't you want him to respect yours? I think you need to discuss this issue first. My gut feling is, it is not hatrace against them, he just doesn't have the guts to face your parents and face some uncomfortable question in the process.

    I know it's a difficult situation for you...and I am not saying that you should not go back...but first make sure that he is doing all this things in an effort to get you back out of love for you and respect for the relationship. I think these phone calls won't help...meet him in person somewhere and discuss the issues and ask him questions. If you feel that he really wants to get you back in your life since you're indispensible to him, then don't think twice before going back. However, if you feel he is doing these out of a fear of a social repurcussion after divorce, then you should think twice before accepting his proposal to go back.

    There are 2 scenarios here:

    1. He wants to get you back out of love for you - This is the most ideal scenario which we would all like. I think you'll be the happiest person if this is what happens. In this case, since you'll have the moral support that you have your husband by your side, I don't think it will be tough for you to convince your parents about going back. All parents want their children to be happy, and if they are worried now, it's because you had been humiliated by him before and you had problems with your in-laws. However, if they know that your husband is ready to make amends and wants to start afresh, I don't see any reason why they will force you not to return back and co-operate. However, it's very important that you make your husband understand that just like he wants you to respect his parents, you too want him to respect you and your parents.

    2. He wants you back to avoid facing social consequences of divorce/ save money - In this case, you need to think and ask yourself questions. If you feel you can adjust with him and his family, then go ahead. However, if you feel you cannot, then stick to your stand. I know, as an outsider it is easy for me to tell that your hubby is just playing mind games with you by saying that he'll commit suicide and that such things don't happen, however I know being his wife, you don't want to take a chance. That's why I am suggesting you to talk to him and ask him to stop this rubbish (suicide, asking you spontaneously make a decission of going back, not wanting to visit your parents etc.), and think sensibly. If he can get out of his groove, and changes his attitude, wonderful, else, as I told you, you need to ask yourself questions and get satisfactory answers to go back and start afresh.

    All the best.
    Last edited by confusedhusband; 09-19-2012 at 03:24 PM.

  17. #17
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    Dear CH,

    As i have already waited for 4 months every time whenever we had conversation he always talked about money and our previous fight reason was also money , as my MIL openly told me if i want to live in their home then i need to pay my share, that time i got ready to pay to my mil for my household share expenses but after that my in laws again called up my parents and put another condition of opening joint account with my husband that too i got agree , but even after opening joint account my husband used to suspect about my own salary expenses and used to see my monthly bank statement ,my inner feeling also says if a person can remain without his wife for 4 months just for money sake then what is the surety that he will not take my advantage and he called me up once my father had word with the 3rd person which he send , my father disclose him that we may file for divorce then only next day ie yesterday he called up, i am 90% sure that he has called up just to save his alimony money which he will have to pay to me , if he wanted me back then why d'nt he called me earlier.

    He has called up 40-45 times since morning although now i have told him if he wants me back then he has to talk to my parents as i do not have support of my parents they are saying he is making me fool and have told if in future any wrong thing happens with me then it is on my own responsibility.

    And at this moment i have 0% faith in my husband as every time he put condition since Feb,12 , now how can a person suddenly change in a day that he is trying my no. 40 times in a day..........

  18. #18
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    [QUOTE=reema_1;263928]Dear CH,

    As i have already waited for 4 months every time whenever we had conversation he always talked about money and our previous fight reason was also money , as my MIL openly told me if i want to live in their home then i need to pay my share, that time i got ready to pay to my mil for my household share expenses but after that my in laws again called up my parents and put another condition of opening joint account with my husband that too i got agree , but even after opening joint account my husband used to suspect about my own salary expenses and used to see my monthly bank statement ,my inner feeling also says if a person can remain without his wife for 4 months just for money sake then what is the surety that he will not take my advantage and he called me up once my father had word with the 3rd person which he send , my father disclose him that we may file for divorce then only next day ie yesterday he called up, i am 90% sure that he has called up just to save his alimony money which he will have to pay to me , if he wanted me back then why d'nt he called me earlier.

    He has called up 40-45 times since morning although now i have told him if he wants me back then he has to talk to my parents as i do not have support of my parents they are saying he is making me fool and have told if in future any wrong thing happens with me then it is on my own responsibility.

    And at this moment i have 0% faith in my husband as every time he put condition since Feb,12 , now how can a person suddenly change in a day that he is trying my no. 40 times in a day..........[/QUOTE]

    Hearing this, even I am almost sure now that the reason he is trying to get you back is money. Scrutinising a wife's bank statement, forcing her to open a joint account and being forced by in laws to pay for your expenses reflects a very cheap mentality. Pardon me, but your hubby and your in-laws have treated you just like a paying guest, which is absolutely unacceptable from your poin of view. Have you asked him why he is calling you s many times suddenly after so many days, when he didn't turn up for the last 4 months? if you've asked, then what is his answer? I am sure he'll start making up stories and once he does, if you cross-question him, he'll get entagled in his own web of lies. I think you should say directly to him that you're thinking about divorce, and that is because of his attitude towards you. Had he loved you, he'd not have put up a show by disturbing you by calling you so many times. Just get out of this mess, be firm on your stand...and if required, seek legal help immediately (don't file a complaint at this point, but you can consider talking to a divorce lawyer and look at the problem from all possible legal angles). I'd also suggest that you don't return to him right now...take your time and tell him firmly that you want to talk to him in person. You have had enough share of miseries, it's time to give it back to your hubby.

    Since you're not at fault, don't be afraid of anything. Just don't let him take the advantage of your weakness anymore.

  19. #19
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    Thanks for your revert CH....This site is the only source of communication ofr my issue as these types of issues we even can not discuss at our workplace also....

  20. #20
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    No problem. I understand what you're going thru.



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