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Thread: Sexless married life..

  1. #1
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    Sexless married life..

    Hi,

    I am 27 year old slim,fair n beautiful women who got married 7 months back.
    My problem is my husband is not at all showing any interest in sex. In 1st 3 months we had only 4-5 times. And after that absolutely there is no Sex life exist in last 4 months.

    Several times I tried to talk to him politely or some time indirectly.But he doesn't want to talk about that topic.
    Whenever I try to talk to him he says he gets angry and he says I do not want to discuss anything.I just tried to tell him in all the way that we are wasting precious time of our life in which we should have enjoyed a lot..I politely said I am like your best friend ,if there is any problem also you can discuss with me,and if required we will contact any Doctor or we will go for counseling once.But he says I do not have any problem and dont talk to me about that.There is no excitement in last 6 months of married life.We didn't even go to honeymoon also.
    There is neither any financial tensions or any kind of depression for his behavior.He gives much value for money rather then relationship and love.He was eager to buy a flat and was concentrating on that.And that time I thought he will be alright if we get flat.
    Now we own a good flat,but he is still the same.Being a gal I feel very difficult and ugly to talk about that topic,but as he is not bothered about sex life atleast So I need to initiate this topic.
    But each time I try to talk to him he gets angry and never allow me to talk anything.
    There is no romantic moments exist in our married life.I am highly frustrated..If I try to take him to any counselor also he wont come.He never discuss about that matter.He is not affectionate also. I daily spend a sleepless ,frustrated nights by thinking about my future with him.How can I fix this problem?How do I save our marriage?
    Please Help..


    Thanks
    Sinchu



  2. #2
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    Achieving life balance.

    Dear Sinchu,
    In order to be happy, lots of things in life needs to work in balance. Work, money, health, relationship and sex. Seems like you are really polite and nice that you already asked him to refer a doctor, his real cause for avoiding sex which is really strange. At this point you already tried to suggest him for counselor, doctor..all i can think of is bring it to attention to his parents, may be it might help him see doctor? hope he is not gay, i am not joking. Wish you goodluck!

  3. #3
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    Unhappy

    Sorry, you need a more Calories! u already burnt it by typing long epic story.

  4. #4
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    Thank you Dear Prakash for your valuable suggestion.

    I hope involving his parents will not create a bad impression about me.I will try to speak to his parents.
    I hope I will be able to save our marriage. Its really difficult to live in affection-less,loveless,romance-less marriage. I tried many ways to talk to him and find out the reason but nothing helped.Every time he shouts at me n make me feel that I have done a mistake by asking about that.And he will stop talking to me and then again I need to compromise ,talk to him and beg him for his affection and love .
    Even though I get hurt many times, I still love him,I cannot hurt him,But he has taken me for granted.I am fed up of compromising for everything.

  5. #5
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    I'snt man's job to make women happy?

    Dear Sinchana,
    First of all i would like to say your dear husband is lucky to have you as a wife in life, who is so calm, appreciating, supportive, submissive and always loving. If he was in western culture, he would have been divorced the next day(that's a different story).Regarding him getting mad at you and shouting is totally wrong. It is his inability to satisfy his wife, or his weakness, which he does not want to admit and in return want to dominate on you is totally wrong? Everybody has own problems and weakness, only when you admit them you can work on them to be a better and stronger person. I hate to advice you to bring this issue with his parents, since it going to bring in drama in family. But sometimes you have to take elders opinion, when things cannot be resolved at the bottom level. If his sexual life continues this way, even if you have kids, will you have to suffer like this your whole life?

  6. #6
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    Hi Sinchanaa
    I can understand your situation..
    See, for newly married couples, such problems are very obvious. Either girl rejects the sexual proposal or guy.. The other one should try to cope up with them..
    In your case, you did not gave him time, I hope..
    First show your love and affection to him, and teach him to love indirectly.
    Slowly and gradually change his way of thinking..
    Make him understand that Sex is just a part of life..
    Donít trouble him by asking him again and again..
    Give him time to get stabilize..
    Analyze what is the actual problem..
    If he is not ready to visit a doctor, then you go by yourself and share your problems and his behavior with a good doctor. He/she will help you out in a very effective way.. But donít reveal this to your husband..
    Just try once by consulting a good doctor..
    Ask them what might be the reason for such behavior..
    You will get an idea and you can make out how to solve this problem..

    Awaiting for your reply..

  7. #7
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    Hi Sinchana,

    Since youíve spoken about this to your hubby also, his intention might be to get well-settled in life and to think about the physical relationship after that. Itís better to wait, until he settles in his life.

  8. #8
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    Communication is a key in good relationship

    @Prakash : Thank you very much for your suggestion.I will wait for some more time if married life is not coming to track then I will let his parents know about that.

    @Sugana: Thank you for your suggestion.
    In fact I have given him a lot of space and time too.And If I tried to talk to him regarding this matter for 3-4 times in last 7 months,I hope I am not wrong.Not even single time he was ready to discuss.When he is not concerned atleast I need to take initiative to save our relationship.I am ready to listen whatever he wanna say,and I do value him.But if he s not at all communicating or not sharing anything with me,definitely I will feel frustrated.That means you r giving a priority fr a person for whom u are an option.I love him,care for him more then he deserve.I love him unconditionally even though in return I dont get that love. Me too have my own life right?I cannot be someone's cook /housekeeper throughout my life.
    I think u r right.Its time for me to go alone and consult the doctor.

    @ShilpsRani:

    I CAN wait.But how LONG?atleast he should share that with me.
    We should well-balance the life,other desires and relationship right?Human desires don't have any end.So Well-settle will lose its meaning.By the time we get well-settle in life,we wont have that time and age to enjoy the most beautiful moments of our life and that time will never come back. We both are of same age,we earn a good salary.Together we can dream and create a beautiful life by understanding each other very well.


    Regards,
    Sinchana

  9. #9
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    Hi Sinch,

    Whatever you share here, try to talk to your husband directly. Though it is very difficult to talk to your partner about the intimacy issues, sometimes it works. Let him come to know about your feelings and thoughts regarding the problem which youíre facing now.

  10. #10
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    hi sinchana

    [QUOTE=Sinchana123;267328]Hi,

    I am 27 year old slim,fair n beautiful women who got married 7 months back.
    My problem is my husband is not at all showing any interest in sex. In 1st 3 months we had only 4-5 times. And after that absolutely there is no Sex life exist in last 4 months.

    Several times I tried to talk to him politely or some time indirectly.But he doesn't want to talk about that topic.
    Whenever I try to talk to him he says he gets angry and he says I do not want to discuss anything.I just tried to tell him in all the way that we are wasting precious time of our life in which we should have enjoyed a lot..I politely said I am like your best friend ,if there is any problem also you can discuss with me,and if required we will contact any Doctor or we will go for counseling once.But he says I do not have any problem and dont talk to me about that.There is no excitement in last 6 months of married life.We didn't even go to honeymoon also.
    There is neither any financial tensions or any kind of depression for his behavior.He gives much value for money rather then relationship and love.He was eager to buy a flat and was concentrating on that.And that time I thought he will be alright if we get flat.
    Now we own a good flat,but he is still the same.Being a gal I feel very difficult and ugly to talk about that topic,but as he is not bothered about sex life atleast So I need to initiate this topic.
    But each time I try to talk to him he gets angry and never allow me to talk anything.
    There is no romantic moments exist in our married life.I am highly frustrated..If I try to take him to any counselor also he wont come.He never discuss about that matter.He is not affectionate also. I daily spend a sleepless ,frustrated nights by thinking about my future with him.How can I fix this problem?How do I save our marriage?
    Please Help..


    Thanks
    Sinchu[/QUOTE]

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    sinchana frst thing is ur right on ur place and u not doing anything wrong .....

    may be u dont know abt these things but its a common problem now a days couples are facing specially in major cities with lot of stress ....

    well in ur case may be i can help u out someway .... let me know if i can do something....

  11. #11
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    Deear sanchana '

    aapki samasya sahi ha par kai bar kuchh mansik tor par ye soch lene se bhi ye samasya aa jati ha ki me apni patni ko santust nahi kar pa rha hu to wo fir isse dur hone ki kosis karta ha ...aap use romantik tarike se apni or jayda lane ka kosis karo ......theek ho jayega ........ye koi or samasya nahi ha

    regards

    tr

  12. #12
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    hey hiii....sinchu ji ....!!!!

    [QUOTE=Sinchana123;267328]Hi,

    hi sinchu ji

    well..first of all....abt me....im ashesh ....

    i read ur post.....and i guess my condition is also like u....na na...im neither married nor i hav any sexual prblm.
    the main prblm is ...frustration. i also shared my prblm under the heading of i m frustrated...

    im frustrated abt my certain things basically my carrier and studies...and ur frustrated abt ur sexual life.

    u cant talk to anybody abt it...so cant i.

    u feel depressed ..so do i.

    mean we both got same prblm but in different ways....

    but...i tried few things to overcum my frustration...like....
    i dnt have many frnds...as i dnt go out much...i just stay busy in my studies....but now i hv started making new frnds....

    i do what i like most.

    talk to a lot of people.

    i dnt hv galfrnd....to share my thots...i nvr tried to get one... but sumhw im trying to get one nwdays..(will try till a limit if i get one its ok..otherwise its ok as well)

    i try new random things to do.

    but yeh...i knw it can cure my type of frustration to a lil extent but not urs.

    but i wud suggest u...to talk to u husband....consult a counselor..

    discussion is the best thing to sort out sumthing.(except it comes to the kashmir matter)

    wat i think is u need to approach ur husband ...when his mood is gud...and ask and discuss to him all the prblms...then see what happens.

    i knw my post is not much helpful to u...but ijust thot u and me share the same boat of frustration so..i replied.


    sorry....if i said anything stupid.

    ashesh

  13. #13
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    Hey Sinch,

    Most of the women are facing these kinds of problems with their hubbies. The pity thing is that, some don’t have anyone to share their problems, and some feel what others will think about their hubbies, if they come to know about this matter. In your case, you're lucky, that you are sharing your issue with the forum members here. I agree with Prakash; it’s better to reveal this issue either with your parents or with your in-laws. Sometimes, elders have a better solution to all the marital issues, and they can make their son to understand about this.

    If they started blaming you, it’s better to come out of this incompatible relationship. Whatever the decision may be, decide it right now!

  14. #14
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    hi

    Dear Sinchana,

    Usually this happens when there is no common contextual background to the marriage. Husband expecting different things out of the marriage while wife provides different things, and vice versa.


    Usually almost all marriages face this to varying degree but it starts impacting sex life when one person becomes totally disinterested.

    I guess both of you need serious relationship counselling. Without omitting the root cause the surface measures (like seducing etc will not help). Attending seminar's like Landmark or Almamater or AoL usually help a lot.

    Thanks
    Blue

  15. #15
    By reading your post I can make out that you have put all hard efforts to acquire love from your hubby, the only thing left over is notifying your issue with elders. Please donít delay blow the whistle on! If you think this will harm your future, then try to flirt with him when he is alone and see his reactionsÖ.. Sorry for using this language, no other go!

  16. #16
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    @ShilpaRani : Thank you..But he is not ready to talk.He neverallow me to speak about that.He starts scolding and shouting.And I end up in droping that idea of speaking to him about that.
    He never understands and says I am like this,I vl never change do whatever you want
    I am ready to talk and listen to him whatever wanna he says..but he never.

    @Rajeev:Thank you for your support.


    @Trchoniyo: Thank you..sab tarika try kar chuki hun..he doesnt like romantic things.

    @Ashesh: Sorry ..ur problem is not same as my problem.You should have determination to achieve ur goal and put ur best effort.You are mixing everything.Concentrate on ur studies.


    @Shabhana:Liked ur suggestion.Thank you..Let me try my best to save our relationship.



    @amitkr : I am sorry ..I am not like you...I am posting my problem here to get solution and save our marriage n relationship,Not to get attention from idiots like you.
    I have read ur posts on ur problem.Its not ur problem,but u r creating it.If u want that kind of relationship its not a right place.stop visiting this forum.Dont spoil this community.


    @Bluish.jay: Thanks fr ur suggestion.

    @Raheana: Thank you for ur suggestion

  17. #17
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    hi sinchana

    not a problem ... ur most welcome but ill feel good once u get ur problm solved ...

  18. #18
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    hi sinchana

    please empty ur inbox... im not able to send u msg

  19. #19
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    @Rajiv: done

  20. #20
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    hi sinchana

    thanks ... check inbox ..



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