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Thread: serious trouble in friends marrige, need advise

  1. #1
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    serious trouble in friends marrige, need advise

    This is about my close childhood friend, i'll say our relation is more like sisters.
    She is married for 1.8 now, but from day one she is facing problems with husband. They dont have any bonding.

    She was in parents place for almost whole year, she went back to her husband some time back. This time the relationship was better, she was also hoping that it wont lead to divorse.

    Twist came when she came to know she concived. now she is 2.5 month pregenent & carrying twins.
    Her husband is not happy with situation & telling her to go for a abortion. Even he is telling , this baby is not his.

    She is going through the worst phase of her life.
    I am in dilema what to advise to her, being a mother i cant say go for abortion, being a women i dont want her to suffer for whole life.

    friends, please suggest.



  2. #2
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    hiiiii

    [QUOTE=soniasarora;268736]This is about my close childhood friend, i'll say our relation is more like sisters.
    She is married for 1.8 now, but from day one she is facing problems with husband. They dont have any bonding.

    She was in parents place for almost whole year, she went back to her husband some time back. This time the relationship was better, she was also hoping that it wont lead to divorse.

    Twist came when she came to know she concived. now she is 2.5 month pregenent & carrying twins.
    Her husband is not happy with situation & telling her to go for a abortion. Even he is telling , this baby is not his.

    She is going through the worst phase of her life.
    I am in dilema what to advise to her, being a mother i cant say go for abortion, being a women i dont want her to suffer for whole life.

    friends, please suggest.[/QUOTE]





    hello,

    as i read what u hav posted..its a very horrible condition...im not pointing out towrds ur frnd...but first u need to ask her are those kids really of her husbands? coz as u said that she ws at her parents almost a year.

    this is the most imp question u need to knw first.....plz...do not misunderstand me...im not insulting ur frnd...or pointing her out.

  3. #3
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    Yes, kids belongs to them only, why the guy is frustated coz, he never tought it will happen so soon.



    [QUOTE=ashesh47;268745]hello,

    as i read what u hav posted..its a very horrible condition...im not pointing out towrds ur frnd...but first u need to ask her are those kids really of her husbands? coz as u said that she ws at her parents almost a year.

    this is the most imp question u need to knw first.....plz...do not misunderstand me...im not insulting ur frnd...or pointing her out.[/QUOTE]

  4. #4
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    [QUOTE=soniasarora;268754]Yes, kids belongs to them only, why the guy is frustated coz, he never tought it will happen so soon.[/QUOTE]



    then in that case the guy is a fool..

    if he is well educated and own a gud piece of mind..he shudnt say so...to abort.

    in first place if he didnt want kids...why didnt he used precaution.??

    now if the woman is pregnent....so its not her fault.

    this prblm can only b solved if they both sit and talk abt this....and discuss each others prblms and views.

    if they settle on sumthing then its gud..otherwise they shud part their ways...coz zabarjasti ki shaadi ka koi mtlb nhi.

  5. #5
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    hi

    [QUOTE=soniasarora;268736]This is about my close childhood friend, i'll say our relation is more like sisters.
    She is married for 1.8 now, but from day one she is facing problems with husband. They dont have any bonding.

    She was in parents place for almost whole year, she went back to her husband some time back. This time the relationship was better, she was also hoping that it wont lead to divorse.

    Twist came when she came to know she concived. now she is 2.5 month pregenent & carrying twins.
    Her husband is not happy with situation & telling her to go for a abortion. Even he is telling , this baby is not his.

    She is going through the worst phase of her life.
    I am in dilema what to advise to her, being a mother i cant say go for abortion, being a women i dont want her to suffer for whole life.

    friends, please suggest.[/QUOTE]

    I have an exact opposite situation as that of yours .. It has been 1.5 years for our marriage and in that whole period she was me only for 6-7 months and she is living with her parents or working somewhere that I dont know .. After 15 days of our marriage, i found her logging into some guys facebook account using his ID and passoword although that account did not have any frnds, posts or anything .. so i just asked her who owns it ..she said that it is a fake one .. I did not trust her and even she incited me to tell this to her parents as she kept calling me on my number and on my HR number when i wasnt accepting her calls because of my work ..Her parents got worried and they thought that I may start doubting her character so they started visiting our home and they used to take her away for a month and half for so called Hindu festivals ... But then everything went sore when they started dominating our family life and used to dictate me everything ... in Dec she ran away from my home when I asked her to come along with me to visit my home ..

    After my lot of persistence she came back .. but same things were happening in our life .. somehow they were reduced as on her persistence about having a job , she got one and it made her busy with it ... but once the news of her pregnecy broke out on 19th may 2012.. She and her parents went back to their old mode and after 3 days my wife sent me a SMS telling me that she is aborting it .. I wanted this child as it could have been the solution for our all problems which would have forced her to understand the meaning of married life ..But as she was highly career oriented , she did not want it .. Her dad came one day and took her away giving false promises .. when I asked him to send her back after 15 days ..he refused and told me that they are thinking about filing a divorce petition ( remember she was Preggy by 8 weeks ) .. I argued with him and then after 7 days i went to bring her back .. but her dad threatened me and my father and thrown us out ..

    He took away all his wedding gifts and prmised my dad that he would return all gold back to him .. But as i was always against a divorce , he started threatening my dad , brother telling them that he would file false DV , 498a cases against me , my family and can ruin my brother's future marriage .. One day I lost patience becos I found that she have started searching for jobs and she is in Thane ( before marriage she was working as a chemical engr in that city while I was in Pune working as an electrical engr ) , i thought if she is doing this then she must have had aborted the child .. FYI my wife had never accepted my phone, SMS , mails and besides that I dont know her whereabouts in the last 5 months .. I sent a lawyer notice asking her to come back , but her dad sent me a lawyer notice asking for divorce .. As per their notice I started a dialouge with her friends and relative to be a mediator and come forward for a F2F meeting but as her dad and she is stubborn , those mediators were unable to pursue them ..Still I kept quiet for a month and her dad filed a divorce petition and I am expected to appear before court on 3rd Nov 2012 ..

    Main points:- 1) she was adament for visiting my parents place .
    2) highly career oriented and money minded , egostic and very very stubborn ( her parents are even more )
    First she ran away for these reasons

    3) she found it very difficult to manage both my home and her job same at a time .. And she didn't want a child at this time but I opposed as i am already 33 year old and she is 29 year old .. Again this time her dad took her away giving fake promises,,...

    4) I dont know if my doubt on her when I have had caught her loging into that guys's account was genuine and just for the sake of saving her Dad's status , she married with me and now she is creating a scene so that she can get rid of me and marry that guy ...

    5) Many people are telling me so many types of things ..

  6. #6
    Hello rajesh!!

    I am so sorry for all the things happened with you. From how long these things happening may I know? when you met her on court was she still preggy? so long you did not got ant chance to meet her ha?

    I guess she does not have mom? does she?

  7. #7
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    @ Sonia:

    Better ask all the elders from your Friendís side and your friendís hubbyís side to convince him. Try to make him clear that, doing abortion is a sin that too, it is twins. Say him that, he is blessed to have two diamonds at a single delivery. Surely, he will be convinced. If he is having some financial issues, ask some others in the family to share some of the burden. Hope, this will put an end to your friendís problem.

    @ Rajesh:

    hey dude,

    Donít believe on what others say. Sometimes it will go wrong and will make a crack in the mirror of your marriage life. If you do not have trust on her, better try to come out from this incompatible relationship. You have better choices outside. Try to apply for a divorce.

  8. #8
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    @ soniasarora :-

    well on your first post you said your friend was in her parent's house for one year, now she is 2.5 month pregnant and her husband says the baby is not his, but in your second post you said he didnt expected that soon hmmmm quite confusing,

    anyways if it is right, then she has to take help of her in-laws, tell her speak with her Monter-in-law & father-in-law hope they can convince her husband, thats why i suggest people to maintain joint family so that you can seek help or take guidance of elders.

    first of all we want to know the exact situation why is he denying, is it financial problem or something else ?

    abortion is always wrong and sin as shabana said, so people should not commit such things.

  9. #9
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    you guys are right, even i gave the same advise to talk to in laws first , rather to me. But she said, she is bounded by "kasam" (oath) given by her husband, not to discuss with any one. & my emotional friend is keeping her promise for such a nonsense fellow.

    I tried to talk to her husband, he simply told he is not prepared to be a fathher also there relation is not that good so he dont want to spoil life of kids.

    My friend told he was normal untill he came to she is carrying twins.

  10. #10
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    @soniasarora
    well their are lot of question arises behind abortion anyways lets keep aside.


    when your friend have given oath to her husband that she wont tell to anyone regarding this matter, then how can she tell to you .

    anyways you personally talked with her husband and he said he doesnt have good relation with your friend, then what is his idea in the future, does he wants to separate ? or what, well if she is helpless then why you itself go and speak with her parents and try to know the reason behind that and s get some solution for that . i think you only can help her personally since she is your close friend we can just give suggestion, you can do everything since it is the life of your friend you itself go and help her no one can help regarding this so you try

    well make it as soon as possible before it goes out of the hand, good luck
    Last edited by truth_stand; 11-03-2012 at 07:23 PM. Reason: f

  11. #11
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    Talking Hi truth_stand

    Well spotted! The chakravyuh seems to be trapping someone!!!!

  12. #12
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    Yar

    [QUOTE=Anuja Gopalan;268910]Hello rajesh!!

    I am so sorry for all the things happened with you. From how long these things happening may I know? when you met her on court was she still preggy? so long you did not got ant chance to meet her ha?

    I guess she does not have mom? does she?[/QUOTE]

    well , neither she , nor any1 frm her side appeared b4 court on 3rd nov ,besides that judge was on leave so we hv had to take a new date of 1dec . I strongly belive that our marriage was like a show-off for society bt her real plan was to get rid of me as quickly as possible. I hv proofs tht she knew tht guy since long b4 wedding and even one of random guy told me tht even she hv had met tht rich guy's mom bt she rejected her . She went under massive depression nd in tht period she decided to marry me bt even after tht she cudnt 4get him and even tht guy later aggreed wid her plan of fake wedding . I guess tht every1 frm her side knew everythin and they were helpin her
    i cn write a lengthy novel bt . . . . Lets leave it



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