Thread: Intrest in studies and concentration
My daughter is grade 3. She is quite intelligent as what i see from her performance in her class test. The problem with her she shows no intrested not only in studies but in any other activities like drawing or colouring or singing etc like what other kids do. But when i force her and make her sit to learn she gets 1st in whatever she participates. The problem is I have to force and sit with her for every thing . She is unable to concentrate on her works.She keeps something in her hand and keeps playing with it while learning.She does not do anything out of her own wish. Her only aim is play. We alow her to play but she will never be satisfied with how much time she takes for play.
She back answers for any advise given to her. She never accepts anything told to her. She talks a lot in the class and disturbs others too. Cap it all she is very slow in all her activity be it eating, writing or for that matter even in her toilet works.
Navya, at this age some children do so. As she is just 3, she is not able to differenciate between right or wrong. As children of this age follow their elders, so behave positively in front of them.
So i'd suggest you that don't scold your child. Sit with her while she is studying (as you do so), start with her favourite subject, Play game if she'll complete her homework within given time, you'll appreciate her and give her a surprise gift, that can be a toy what she like, you can expand her time to watch TV as a reward, or serve her favourite dish.
Play yourself with your daughter also.
Teach her with love that what is right and what is wrong.
Be calm as she'll learn within a few months (2-3)
Take care, and love to that li'l angel.
You should be happy if your child shows interest in all activities. Slowly she'll reach a stage when she will be more specific about her likes and dislikes. Don't force your child to do anything she doesn't want to do. It will only increase an aversion towards it. Also encourage/appreciate her when she does things without you prompting..
She must be 8 years old so let her play for a while daily and maintain a time for studies/ cultural activities etc.
Don't force your aspirations on your child.. Let them develop an individual personality..
Take her to a psychologist. Dhe may have ADHD and needs all the support she can get.
I trust by now you would have got answers for the issues of your child. Well, understanding how the kids behave is an amazing subject by itself. As a parent of 2 kids aged 7 and 11 years we had similar issues and got plenty of advise.
What I am going to write here might be of some use.
1. Encouraging to use left brain( Interested in studies, logic etc) and right brain ( Creativity, colurs etc) through various activities.
2. Use of a different language pattern. Instead of using don't do, can't play, study now etc, start using patterns like, would you like to study now or after 15 minutes, or would you like to play for 30 mts or 45 mts. These kind of questions are called Binding questions, which actually triggers in the child's sub conscious mind to take actions.
3. Changing your perception as a parent: Keep telling your kid that " I am sure that you would like to play as well as study right?" Get the answer from the kid. Sit with the kid and create a time for each activity.
4. Give appreciation in front of others for all the smaller positive work done by the kid and ask the kid in private as " do you think what you have done is fair or right?" With a smooth tone.
5. The golden rule for changing behavior is by changing the pattern, which generally requires about 20-25 days.
6. Change the inner identity of the kid by always giving positive remarks, self image is the key for change of behavior and attitude.
7. Kids always will model the parents: See what needs to be changed at your end as a parent.
8. Parents tend to give bribes for studying more, or getting good marks etc. Stop this behavior, you are spoiling your child by bribing. What the child will assume is, I am not studying for myself, If I get good marks my parents are going to benefit and not me.
Today's children have the following symptoms due to various reasons.
1. Lack of concentration
2. Lack of memory
3. Back answering to parents/others
4. Hyper active
5. Not interested in studies/activities
6. Can't sit in one place for more than 5 minutes
7. Not eating properly
8. No time sense
9. No goal in life
10. Not participating
11. lack self confidence
12. Shy and introvert
And the list is endless...
Your belief and kid's belief is the key for any transformation:
1. You start believing that your kid can excel in life
2. Express that your kid is amazing and you love him/her
3. Start looking/identifying the limiting beliefs of yourself and your kid, ex: my child is not good in studies or the kid might say I am not good in maths or science, I can't do it, etc. Always challenge the limiting belief by asking questions like, why do you think so? or what makes you to feel that way? , etc Challenge the limiting beliefs because these are not good beliefs to have. Instill good beliefs such as " I am sure that its possible", I am confident that you have that ability to score/study better etc.
4. Always have a firm belief that past is not equal to future, by expecting that your kid did this last year doesn't mean he or she will repeat. If you expect the same it will be the same. ( After all it is law of attraction)
5. Stop scolding for everything and just make them realize their behavior by asking questions like " Do you think what you did is right or fair?" Let them realize the consequences. Because " Choices have consequences" .
6. Start listing, observing all the good things of your child, you will be amazed to see that your child has tremendous potential and he/she is good at so many things. Once you have the list of good things your perception or the image of child will start changing for better and you would "start responding instead of reacting".
Please note that, today the children are not studying for them selves, they either study for their parents sake or for the punishment they would get from their teachers. Until the child gets in to a mode of self realization for studying themselves, no matter how much parents and teachers punish or motivate the result will be what many parents face today.
I firmly believe that, there are no attention deficit children, it is the methodology which makes a child learn faster and quicker. If your child is not learning they need a different approach of teaching.
As a parent I was having similar issues with my elder son. Thanks to NLP ( Nuero linguistic programming) our entire family of four have reprogrammed to have a wonderful life. Today, I am happy that, our two kids can face the world for any situation and they are champions.
We have now balanced all six aspects of our life like:
4. Social life
Life is such a wonderful thing, its a journey and you need to navigate as per your vision and dreams and not allowing the life to dictate terms to you. After all we are born to be champions. Yes, life is like a large ship, to change the desired directions it might take time, unless you take control of where the ship needs to travel, it might go in to any direction.
Be sure as what you want for you in your life. The new year is approaching and your goals in terms of family could be " I want my child to be a champion in life" to " I want to create a very happy atmosphere at home"
Write down all your goals in all the above six areas of your life, because written down goals have more power in it.
Well, wishing you all a happy and prosperous 2010. May all your dreams come true ( for that, one needs to have lots of dreams)
A very valuable advise Shri 2020...
A lot of times we answer our kids so vehemently in the negative that their subconscious registers it and it comes back to them as a positive reaction..
For example we advise them don't watch too much t.v/// After a while the brain stops reacting to Don't only TV registers so they cna only think of TV.. Instead of using so many negatives we cann suggest .. ;let's play.. read etc... Don't scream,,,,, only scream registers.. instead use speak soflty.. ETC....
Anything said positively will work over a period of time... What you said about the brain is also true.. For most of the kids left brain works but the right brain needs to be stimulated... The right brain is stimulated more when we start using the left hand of our body... Right brain usage leads to independent thinking, innovativeness and creativity...
All said and done Raising kids is equal to any full time career where you are wholly incharge of all the responsibilities.....
Thanks for your post..it is very pertinent