Then I am afraid that you have found a coward person.

Dear Prema,

Your problem is not unique. There are several women/girls in a similar state. As others have stated you would need to decide for yourself about your future. One thing i can see clearly is that, the guy is not willing to put your love ahead of his family. He wants to make them happy but not bothered about you or the relationship. Thats why he has chickened out, when you suggested that you would speak to them.

A guy like this who pees in his pants is worth nothing. Even if everything goes well and you get married you would be in for more problems, because he would be a mama's boy rather than your doing husband. The best way to deal with this issue is to just dump him before he dumps you so that you wont feel bad. Imagine a situation, where his parents are searching for a bride, and I am sure he would listen to them and dump you. So its better you take the initiative first. dont fight with him, just withdraw yourself entirely.

I know it s not that easy to forget a 4 year old relationship just like that, but I want you to be practical and also keep in mind your long term happiness and future which is more important to you and your parents. The best way to forget him and the affair  is to start hating him for his cowardly acts and attitudes. The more you love him, its difficult to break up and you would only end up in emotional turmoil. Why go through all this hazzle.  Just start hating him for not considering you love, your relationship of the past 4 years and the many sacrifices which you might have made during this period, the effor you took to talk and convince your parents. All these has not moved him a bit, but just sticking to his mama;s sarre pallu.

Just dump him dear, and move on in life. I can only say, that he does not deserve to marry you. he is only the unfortunate person and not you. One day he would realize your worth, but at that point of time you should be happily married and not even look in his direction.

Just ensure that he does not have any proof of your love life ( letters, photos, ) or any other stuff with which he can black mail you. otherwise close your eyes, take a deep breath and take the decision as qucikly as possible.  Ask your parents for 6 months time atleast so that your mind and heart is clear and that you are ready to take on the next major step in life.

Good Luck Prema , we are with you at this time of Crisis.

Sanjay

> premaalok wrote:

> Hi All,

I am software professional who is working since 4 years outside my native place.I has a relationship with a guy since 1 year.I love him a lot .
I like to take care of him and his family.everything was fine until last 2 months.I had informed about my relationship to my parents long back.Initially they were hesitant to agree but later on they agreed.But they said I am the eldest in my family and I need to get married now.
I informed my guy to speak with his parents.He said he has a own elder sister to get married and he cannot marry me until she gets married.
I informed back the same to my parents.They even agreed saying that marraige can be postponed but atleast the guy has to speak to his parents now and there  should be a committment between the two families.He did not agree for that .He said he cant inform his parents now because he already had a breakup once with one of his relative recently and if he asks his parents now they might not agree.My parents were putting too much pressure on me saying that they cannot wait and they look for other matches.I told him several times to inform his parents about our relation. But atlast he said that he cannot inform his parents . He said he will be loosing his parents irrespective of our marraige  and family is important to him.
I even gave him the option that I will speak to his parents if he is so much scared of his family.But he did not allowed me to do that.

Watever options i am giving for maariage he is closing from the other end.I got so irritated that i stopped speaking with him.then even he stopped.
But I am not able to forget him...I love him a lot...still I have hopes that he might come back to me with the marraige proposal...
Having a breakup at one end , having parents pressure for other matches on the other end...These things are making me really go crazy...
please some one help me.... how should I cope with all these?

I wish I had you as my girlfriend instead of your beau.Remember what Blake said about it all."Love seekth not itself to please".Love consummates into despair,there in lies its lethal and terrible beauty

what all other members replied are really very true. -  I think its better that u listen to ur parents .They care for u n they hv seen the world n wise n they will surely decide what is best for u .Parents r such that u can close ur eyes n be assured that whatever they r deciding for u is best.I can gurantee one thing for sure the person whom u wd marry is surely very lucky cause it seem that u r very faithful,dedicated towards relation which is an important quality for a person.DON'T worry about that boy too much .U r good so God will definitely help u.May be u deserve someone much,much BETTER than HIM.GOOd LUCK.DONT WORRY for god's sake pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!