non communicative 18 yr old

ms.sg · #1 03-11-2009 04:38:38

I'm new here and found this forum while trying to find solutions.
I'm writing this as a desperate mother. My son(younger child)was a good student till class10. In his 11th std he started bunking classes, lying, not studying enough. He never opened up to tell us what the probem is but we managed to make him see the importance of studying. He managed to recover and get into medical college, his choice, not ours.
Now I see the 11th std pattern repeating. He is bunking college and lying to us. I went and spoke to his college teachers who say he is slightly attention defecit in class. We have told him that if he can't cope he is free to drop out but he insists that this is what he wants to do. I am worried about what he does when he bunks college? How do i handle him?

rada77 · #2 03-11-2009 06:45:05

mssg..

Since you say that medicine was his choice.. then there has not been any pressure from your side which is good..

Was there any reason for him to choose the subject... any high expectation because both parents are in high profile careers or something like that....

Bunking classes is common enough among college going kids.. But if he is bunking daily and missing his semesters or lab work then its different..
Keep a check on his wherabouts... see if there is a pattern to his behaviour .. Sudden jolts of temper...etc.. Just keep an eye out .. don't be too suspicious..

Check if he is being ragged in the campus..Sudden disorientation is also becoming increasingly common among teenagers as they are frustrated with a lot of things..

Medicine is difficult.. The course is gruelling and gruesome .. Some can't stand the number of hours of toiling and naturally start pondering about the choice..The course is vast ...the competition is very high and unless you are very strong willed its difficult to remain unaffected and focussed..

Also don't keep telling him to give up.... its okay... etc.. He might think you are not sure of his abilities and think he can't cope with the pressure...
Instead tell him you are onfident of his abilities and would fully understand if he wishes to quit and that you will stand by his decision..

Having expectations is good but they should be realistic..

Get him to talk and spend some time daily with him even 10 mins is fine..

Cheers

ms.sg · #3 03-11-2009 21:21:30

thank you for your reply.
i think your last para is one which i need to follow."Instead tell him you are confident of his abilities .....
probably there is sub conscious pressure because of high performing sibling and parents, i need to make him open up and am trying my best!

rada77 · #4 04-11-2009 00:41:09

Keep working MS.SG..

Good Luck..I am sure we all want the best for our kids..

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#1 03-11-2009 04:38:38

#2 03-11-2009 06:45:05

Re: non communicative 18 yr old

#3 03-11-2009 21:21:30

Re: non communicative 18 yr old

#4 04-11-2009 00:41:09

Re: non communicative 18 yr old

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