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Thread: non communicative 18 yr old

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Pune
    Posts
    2
    I'm new here and found this forum while trying to find solutions.
    I'm writing this as a desperate mother. My son(younger child)was a good student till class10. In his 11th std he started bunking classes, lying, not studying enough. He never opened up to tell us what the probem is but we managed to make him see the importance of studying. He managed to recover and get into medical college, his choice, not ours.
    Now I see the 11th std pattern repeating. He is bunking college and lying to us. I went and spoke to his college teachers who say he is slightly attention defecit in class. We have told him that if he can't cope he is free to drop out but he insists that this is what he wants to do. I am worried about what he does when he bunks college? How do i handle him?



  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    lucknow
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    1,712
    mssg..

    Since you say that medicine was his choice.. then there has not been any pressure from your side which is good..

    Was there any reason for him to choose the subject... any high expectation because both parents are in high profile careers or something like that....

    Bunking classes is common enough among college going kids.. But if he is bunking daily and missing his semesters or lab work then its different..
    Keep a check on his wherabouts... see if there is a pattern to his behaviour .. Sudden jolts of temper...etc.. Just keep an eye out .. don't be too suspicious..

    Check if he is being ragged in the campus..Sudden disorientation is also becoming increasingly common among teenagers as they are frustrated with a lot of things..

    Medicine is difficult.. The course is gruelling and gruesome .. Some can't stand the number of hours of toiling and naturally start pondering about the choice..The course is vast ...the competition is very high and unless you are very strong willed its difficult to remain unaffected and focussed..

    Also don't keep telling him to give up.... its okay... etc.. He might think you are not sure of his abilities and think he can't cope with the pressure...
    Instead tell him you are onfident of his abilities and would fully understand if he wishes to quit and that you will stand by his decision..

    Having expectations is good but they should be realistic..

    Get him to talk and spend some time daily with him even 10 mins is fine..

    Cheers

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Pune
    Posts
    2
    thank you for your reply.
    i think your last para is one which i need to follow."Instead tell him you are confident of his abilities .....
    probably there is sub conscious pressure because of high performing sibling and parents, i need to make him open up and am trying my best!

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    lucknow
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    1,712
    Keep working MS.SG..

    Good Luck..I am sure we all want the best for our kids..

  5. #5
    Hi,selecting Medical subject itself shows that he has the potentials to do like our well wisher said, follow his guidelines really he will come up , avoid telling about giving up instead support for any coaching he needed,

    every children are the prides the parents, dont loose yourself,
    Good luck and whishing the seasons greetings to you all.

  6. #6
    New member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Toronto, ON
    Posts
    1

    Re: non communicative 18 yr old

    Hello Friend, I am Alan Nicole.

    Don't Panic, this is a common thing for teenagers. Never beating and shouting on him, treat him softly. And keep watching on his friend circle, keep him away from bad company.

    Everything will be fine as time going on.



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