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Thread: love marriage

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    pune
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    5
    my parents are against my love and they dont want me to marry him.they are emotionaly stressing me.please help me find a way.



  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Gwalior
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    66
    Dear swativ,

    Let me tell you my story. Perhaps that will help you find the answer.Though this is long, but read it, it will help you.

    I married my boyfriend previous year. We both got married against the will of our parents. Now after 1 year we both are still deeply in love with each other.

    But my parents and my brother refuse to even talk to me since my marriage. Even if i ring them up they say only a few formal words hesitatingly. I feel that they completely hate me. I know people will say that they can never hate me but its true, they hate me and never want me to go to their house.

    My mother in law has on the other hand accepted our marriage because of her son but she too dislikes me for trapping her son(she thinks so). Perhaps she wanted to marry her son to a girl of her choice but that did not happen.

    Now I crave for the love of my family but don't get it. I know my hubby loves me but i feel my life incomplete without the blessings and love of my family. Also whenever my hubby asks me to visit my in laws house, I don't want to because my mother in law keeps passing sarcastic remarks about me and my father. She knows pretty well that my family members never call me and I myself have told her this but keeps asking me every time when did they call last time, why do they not call me, etc. She also rebukes me because my family never calls her too or any other member of my in-laws. But my husband every time forces me to go there. He tells me that with the passage of time everything will settle down and that if he will now visit his house without me, all the neighbors will ask why and he will not have any answer. He feels that his mother will start liking me one day but I know that will never happen though I keep trying only to keep him happy. I cant see him sad.And so, every time he wants me to visit his house and mom, I have to go and stay there for a few days pathetically.

    And I cant blame anyone for whatever has happened. Everybody is right in his/her place. My hubby as a son only wants a normal life for him. A life where when we have kids, his mother will come and bless them. A life where he can have his full family- his wife, mother, kids and the kids also can have the love of their parents and grandmother. My mother in law is right because she brought up her son with love and considered him to be hers but he went against her will. Also, she is not getting the respect that she deserves from my parents as they never call her,nor does she call them, so it is natural for her to be angry on me.
    My parents and brother are right because they feel I have brought shame to their name and have hurt them terribly which is again true.

    But amidst these all, I am being torn mentally to pieces everyday. How can I forget the love that my family showered on me? How can I forget the meals that my mother fed me with her own hands. How can I forget how patiently my elder brother taught me how to ride a bicycle for the first time and the little sweet quarrels I had with him. How can I forget the lullabies that my dad sang to me when I was a child. How can I forget I sat on his lap everyday and listened to fairy tales from him when I was a little girl. How can I forget how my mom applied tilak on my forehead before my every exam paper? How can I forget how she tied my hair to knots? How can I forget all those memories? They loved me so much and now they hate me totally. It hurts a lot. I feel a constant pain in my throat and chest whenever i think of them. And to add on, the bitter words of my mother in law are there. If I don't go to her, my hubby wont like me or even if he does, he will stay constantly upset that will be unbearable for me and that will automatically affect our married life. But if I go to her, she wont like me.

    I don't know what to do. I miss my family and I sometimes throw the frustration on my hubby due to which we have quarrel sometimes. In a fit of anger I have even told him once that I should not have married him ,after which tears rolled down his cheeks and seeing this I broke further to pieces.

    Do you want the same thing to happen to you? Better try very hard to convince your parents and tell your partner to do the same so that you both get married with their consent and happiness. For this do whatever it takes, otherwise you can never be in complete peace of mind for your whole life. You are bound to miss your parents terribly after a few days.Trust me!
    All the best!
    javascript:void(0)

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    pune
    Posts
    5
    Thanks Shayree....
    ill consider ur words truly.. i know nobody can be happy when their parents are not...that is why i want to convince them...moreover my love's parents are supportive, they know me and even love me till now,i dnt know wat will happen after our parents confront ech other...i just dont know how to go about it..

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    88
    shayree's words are very touching and very true. when ur dear ones dont understand and can't accept u why crave for their love? I am talking about my in-laws here, though.

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    noida
    Posts
    40
    @swativ1417

    Could u please give us some info about ur siblings (means how many sis/bro), or r u living in small city. and ur from mdl class, means ur family background, u know if u love someone, then i feel u should mary with him, but this is a big decision, and there are so many thing which u should have 2 think be4 taking any decision


    @shayree,

    I am really feeling very sad after reading your story, shayree u r right, no body is wrong in ur case, neither ur parents/inlaws nor u, sometime conditions are wrong, which disturb everything, if u love someone u should marry with him/her, so u were right to select ur life partner according to your will, Though u r not asking 4 any advice may i suggest u something if u dont mind.

    I thing after ur baby everything will be all right, it will take some time, they can resist to talk 2 u , but they would not stop themself to love ur child.
    So if u wants to come back in ur family plan a baby asap. Even it will change ur MIL attitude towards u. I know it is very difficult but try to win trust of ur MIL, i know it is not so easy, and u have 2 do extra effort as compare to normal marriage. but it is also important 4 ur mrd life, because kab tak ap apne hubby ki khushi ke liye apni MIL ke pas jayengi, so u have 2 develop love 4 each other as u r agreeing that ur MIL is missing something (Ur parents respect). In ur parents case, u just wait and watch, because when trust break, it takes time to develop it again.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Halifax
    Posts
    24
    Swativ1417
    It is sad but "Shayree" letter is very good answer to your question. There is a saying, "You decide the life you want to live by opening and closing the doors every day." In most love marriages parents on both sides give in and forgive their children. But some times they don,t. I know quite a few cases. I live in Canada and a lot of boys and girls of Indian parents fall in love with local white Canadians. Most of them are very happy but some times like "Shayree" no one wins in this game. Love is fine but you have to think beyond love.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    MUMBAI
    Posts
    2
    Dear Swativ,

    I too marries in love... intercaste. Was truly in love...felt he was the best man on earth. Parents were not too much in favour. They were right!!! My marrage has failed. When in love you think only in one direction. My advice is, keep your mind open. Give your relationship more time, get to know him better. Marry only if your parents are happy. They are elder to us and know more.....

    God bless.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    newyok
    Posts
    8
    [email]charitygodwin1986@hotmail.com[/email]
    My name is Charity godwin ,i saw your profile today
    and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am. (charitygodwin1986@hotmail.com) i believe we can move from here.I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.Miss Charity Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life.
    Yours Love
    Miss Charity

  9. #9
    New member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5
    I do not think with out Parents Happiness you OR any one could lead a Happy life.Simply.as SHAYREE have told above it really will happen if you go against your parents will,try to convince like a small child.Ma GOD bless you!

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  10. #10
    nimz8802
    Guest

    hello guys

    I was reding this and my story is also similar difference is that we r in relationship for past 7 yrs and our parents have not yet agreed...intercaste is abig issue...i understand dat the importance of parents in r lives is incomparable and we cant ignore them for the new relation. my point here is dat if u think otherwise dat ur parents are very happy and u have sacrificed ur love for their happiness and still u r living in a guilt of not being wid some one u love ..its very very difficult to accept new person in ur lyf 100%.
    In this case also even though every1 is wid u there are chances of marriage failure.
    love or arrange has equal probability of failure certainly its the most difficult part to choose between two of them but sometyms life leaves no choices and if ur love is very powerful then surely u can win the world.....
    But the depth of relationship needs to b considered before makin any choice.

    waiting for reply ..i m also in the similar situation and tired of convincing my parents for past 3 yrs..

  11. #11
    New member
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    1
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    3
    nothing too crazy



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