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Thread: Cultural Difference Or In-Laws Problem?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    hyderabad
    Posts
    4
    I married a guy from different state in India. It was a matrimonial wedding. As you all know India has different cultures in different states. My culture and my husbands culture is different. My husband is very educated studied in top universities and making enough for us to live. The only problem is my in laws keep asking him for the money and they keep telling him to ask me to do the things for them. My husband has strong hold of them.
    In my husbands state people have to give lots of dowry for their daughter's wedding. My father in law was incapable of paying for his own daughter. He asked my husband before our marriage he should he paying that dowry if he wants to marry me. My husband agreed to that. He payed hefty sum of money for his sister's wedding.
    It is not only money. They keep asking my husband to tell me to learn their language. Due to which my husband and I have lots of fights. My mother in law is uneducated she cannot speak Hindi. My father in law and she keep bothering my husband for me to learn their language. Also my in laws sit at home in front of TV for hours and watch programs. Why cannot my mother in law watch Hindi programs and learn some Hindi she has nothing else to do in her life. Also what am I going to talk to her.
    My husband on the other hand does not learn my language and never ever speaks with my mother who lives all alone ( she is widow ). Both my mother and husband can speak Hindi but he does not speak with her. He does not feel any guilt about that. But he fights with me to learn his language.

    I thought parents wants their kids to be happy why does my in laws keep doing that to me and my husband.

    I thought before wedding that he will learn my language and I will learn his and we both will be happy. He told me after few fights he is not going learn only I have to learn his language.

    My in laws has one more son who is elder to my husband. His wife does not speak with my mother in law. They had some issues and so she stopped talking to my mother in law. So my mother in law made my husband fight with his brother to tell his wife to talk to their mother. Now his elder brother does not speak to my husband or his parents.

    Every year my in laws ask lots of money from us. How can they expect both love and money from me when they themselves give neither of it to me. He and I even talked about getting divorced because of his culture issues. At least every month we have fight about it. My in laws dont know that we fight because of them.

    I came from a very modern family where people married into different cultures since 1950s, where girls are treated equally as that of boys. I thought my husband is educated man he will know what is right and wrong. He has no right to fight with me about his language when he himself does not learn mine.

    How can I teach my husband that he has his own family. We are on our way to have baby but my husband has not learn anything since we have been married. How can I convince him that we should not fight it is not good for the children.



  2. #2

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    10
    Hi,

    If you want to read my post, its here: [url]http://www.sukh-dukh.com/forums/viewtopic.php?id=23713[/url]

    You cannot stop him from fighting. As time and again he is getting nagged by his family. And guys face the brunt of both the worlds - wife's and his parents'.
    You also cannot stop him from giving away money to his folks - because they will keep asking in one form or another and he will keep giving.

    Once, you will have your baby, he will start thinking about the baby and baby's future. Discuss and chop out an investment plan for the baby too - so that baby doesn't have financial issues once he/she grows up. Hopefully, things will improve.

    Fighting - you are right - is not good for the kids, it always has a bad impression on them etc. But, all you can do is try not to fight. Marriage is a continuous effort - whether love or arranged. You have to keep giving in forever and ever.

    You love you husband. You love your baby. Try to find happiness around these two and for that sometimes you will have to pay a small price - fights over petty issues. What to do - no other option dear.

    Just hang on!! Hold on tight to your dreams ..

    Hopefully things will get better ...

    Take care,
    Neha

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Posts
    0
    One thing that i've learnt from my marriage and those of others around me is that Boy's parents are a very insecure lot. The more they can control the happier they are. even if it means your marriage is put at risk. Their egos are sooooooooo huge that won't budge. Once you have a baby the husband will hopefully get his priorities right. May be you should ask the sis in law for some tips..........

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    london
    Posts
    1
    the only way is divorce we always make excuses for these silly men!!!!!!!!!!!! Do they not have any sympathy for their wives!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Chennai/Bangalore
    Posts
    831
    >
    Hi Jasmin,

    Divorce may not be the solution in this case. Morover she is pregnant and need to think carefully on how to resolve this issue. Running away from the problem is not advisable. what will she do for the rest of her life with a baby in hand. The situation does not warrant such an extreme step at this juncture.

    Sanjay

    jasmin99 wrote:

    > the only way is divorce we always make excuses for these silly men!!!!!!!!!!!! Do they not have any sympathy for their wives!!!!!!!!!!

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    bangalore
    Posts
    3
    Hi

    Sorry to hurt u, Since u said your husband is a learned man and studied in Top Universities dont u know Hindi is Rasthtra Basha and every indian know hindi. so Plz Madam ur husband know hindi and can speak hindi with any one if he is studied in top universities . So Plz go for some mind game and u will hold ur family

    good luck

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Halifax
    Posts
    24
    Let your husband read The letter you wrote here. He may realize what he is doing. You are on your way to have baby, does that mean you are planning to have baby or you are already pregnant. If you are planning to have baby, I will hold on that planning and you should tell your husband we will have baby when we both are happy in this relationship. Let us iron out these problems so that we all will enjoy new baby and give him/her all the love. If all of you are bickering every day, baby will not be happy either.



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